I’ve been living in a household that is indeed very harmful in a lot of ways. Because of this, I’ve developed very dysfunctional ways of thinking and living. This toxic mindset has disabled me from truly accessing my power and what I really wanted for years. I didn’t believe I was worthy, I had to fix everyone around me, everything was my fault and if I can’t fix it then I was a bad person. This thinking has plagued me for most of my life. I didn’t allow myself to have good things, not really on a deep level.
It took me a long time to come to a place where I was willing to put everything around me on the back burner and make myself a real priority. But in doing that in 2014 I’ve regained and discovered parts of me I didn’t even know existed. Positive traits that I wanted to have but believed I truly lacked in myself. Life was confusing for a long time but I’m happy to say, through my path of recovery, a lot of the fog has lifted.
Hearing this wonderful message from Clio, the reader that took my question, beyond spoke to me. It actually opened me up to speak my truth and be honest with myself. My struggle of following my intuition vs. the opinions of others was intense, I didn’t really know what was the right answer. Yet, somehow, following my intuition of asking about my life purpose in art, I got the answer to the question I always wanted to ask. This gave me permission to actually step forward to leave this toxic household and not feel bad for it. AAM let me know that I wasn’t a bad person and I was overdue to leave this situation for a long time now. The only thing that was stopping me was myself, and my own belief that I wasn’t worthy enough, strong enough or able enough to do it without the universe’s green light.
Even though I have gotten the green light, the real blessing is that I’m not a bad person for leaving, in fact, it is vital to my life purpose to do so. So I don’t have to feel bad anymore and block the next step to actually making it happen. I wanted this for so many years and without any improvement or promise of it happening I stopped asking and just accepted where I was. This was a good and bad thing at once, it was great because I wasn’t struggling to leave (at times) but at the same time, I was stuffing down my true desires and feeling bad for not getting what I really wanted.
Seeing other people have what I so desired for myself was tough to bear at times, but I trusted my intuition that it was on its way and I will get it eventually. This however, is more than I expected because it is like I have no reason to hold myself back, the whole universe and then some is on my side wanting this for me as much as I am. I don’t have to question myself anymore or my intuition, I’m following my guidance perfectly and I’ll get to where I need to be in no time.
I can finally allow myself to have what I want, align with it and let the next steps reveal themselves without so much internal and external struggle.
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