When he heard about that, he probed and asked me more questions relating how I basically made goals (or lack thereof) and how I go after them. Having this conversation, I learned that my struggle, the same struggle I’ve been having in the last 5-6 years of trying to make a thriving business, be a great artist or whatever I wanted was because I didn’t want to struggle in life anymore.
When I was younger, I didn’t have the intense problem(s) as I do now, it didn’t push me to overcome them and make big goals to eliminate them. The things that I did for fun, I did for fun, I had no real goals to become the best, to have some huge destiny or have some huge influence over the world. Only till my later teens and eventually when I became a young adult, things changed. When the recession hit, while I just got into college, the threat of losing my home became the center fold of my life, even now. From what I thought then was my saving grace the book, Creating Money, came into my hands. That was my first book on Law of Attraction, and through that book I learned that I could create the life that I wanted.
From then on, my goal was to fix my (or really my family’s) life of struggle and to make a business that I loved. However, on the journey to do those things I picked up very unhealthy and damaging beliefs about who I should be to become successful. The traditional ways of business goes against my very nature, and quite frankly I learned to work hard at it. Nonetheless, it just kept me in the same situation for years.
As time went by and my dreams and desires changed, I noticed that the common denominator was that I wanted my intended result to stop my life of struggle. And trying so hard to succeed and noticing how I wasn’t or couldn’t get there kept me in struggle more, so then I only attracted struggle as a result. Which leads me to where I was (and on some level now), spinning my wheels not going anywhere.
I realized this afternoon, that it isn’t my issues (through it is a small part of it) that was the reason I haven’t succeed in the things I wanted, but my desired intention was impure. I wanted the success to save me from my problems and struggles (what I didn’t want), it was the message I was sending to the universe. I wasn’t doing it because I simply loved doing what I was doing. I wasn’t focus on how good it felt or the fact it will grow into something more (what I did want). I pushed myself very far in everything I thought would be the magic solution for me, that one thing that would make me rich or simply change my life of struggle. But that isn’t what I was sending to the universe, all I was sending was the fact I hated my life and how nothing worked out for me, then worked harder to fix it and the cycle continues.
I learned an important lesson today, I have no need to struggle if I just stop struggling. I don’t have to overcome lifelong afflictions, family drama and dysfunction to succeed. All I need is to focus on what I love and allow the universe to bring it to me. I don’t need to do anything extra to be in an allowing place, just practice the feeling of it.
It’s as if for a really long time I’ve been going up the same mountain over and over again in hopes to find my destination, when all I had to do is look at the map and follow its path. I have no need to struggle anymore. I have no need to beat myself up for not being a better person.
All I need to do is praise myself and what I love and focus on those things because it’s the reason I want to do anything, because it feels good, not because I want to stop what I don’t want.
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