There are so many things I want to do and I’m thinking a lot about the things I want to clear out before the year ends but I’m starting to stress myself out for really no reason. I have to calm down, even though the year is ending, my life isn’t perfect and won’t be magically perfect on the turn of the new year. No matter how much time and effort I try to put into “getting all my ducks in a row” life will always be a dynamic force, it simply doesn’t go by logic, the things we intend to “plan” in a way that seems right to us.
More often than not, I learned that what we see in our minds on the way things should be (or shouldn’t be) is rarely what we get “exactly,” life is so strange that we can trick ourselves out of anything we want because of this attachment to be right or perfect. For me, this year has provided a very important fact, I can’t know it all right in this red hot minute. In fact, the things that I need to do came right when I needed it, rarely I get the whole plan 2 weeks in advance.
Despite the readings I can do about the future, we’re in a present based world, if you’re not focus on the now, you’ll miss the opportunities; you can’t plan opportunities. It’s more of an art of being in the right place at the right time, and that happens when you’re not nitpicking a future event, trying to think it through as if it will go exactly as you imagine. When you just plan lightly and go for it, you’ll often get a lot more out of life and all of its offerings.
I admittedly haven’t been so keen on that wisdom lately with my roller coaster feelings dealing with the alcoholism in my family. I’m still trying to “fix” everything and trying to bang everything into place in my mind before I feel secure. Doing this is making me lose myself and what is really important in my own life, which is following my intuition and creative spirit.
I just get too sucked into my family’s negativity and unhappiness and not enough of my own well-being and life. It’s not worth getting so bent out of shape over everyone else’s failure to make themselves happy, because I’m not getting any benefits from it anyway.
Anyway, I think the point is that I’m obsessing over something that doesn’t matter that much which is trying to massively clear out everything to make my new year the perfect starting gate. I didn’t have that last year and my year went way better than I expected so I need to chill out. The most I really need to do, is simply list the things I want to focus my well-being on. In a lot of ways lately, I feel that I am going backwards, again trying to solve everything in a solar manner when I need to go within my lunar side where the real answers are.
I haven’t been connecting to that place for a while and it shows. It’s been a safe, nurturing place but I have forgotten to really connect and stay there. I’m becoming more hard, logical and action oriented all over again which isn’t my true place of power.
Writing this out really helped me sort out my feelings. Being able to write how I feel makes life a lot more manageable because I don’t have to hold everything in 24/7. I feel a lot better to move forward into the next year simply listing the things I want to come to life. Not try to fix everything on my own…
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