Vision 69: Big Hero Six

Last week I saw the movie Big Hero Six and I freak’n adored that movie so much along with Hiro and Baymax. I feel the movie gave me a really important gift of artistic inspiration, fun and a huge boost of imagination. Ever since I saw the movie I couldn’t really stop thinking about it. The setting was a unique blend of San Fran and Tokyo, I love Hiro’s friends and the relationship that Hiro had with Baymax.

There is something about relationships involving humans and robots that I can’t get enough of. Maybe it’s because robots don’t have emotions yet, this unspoken affection can still be felt. Or something that supposed to be cold and monotone is lovable, approachable and even funny. Maybe I just like movies, shows or whatever about a being, robot or not, learning about the real world. I can even go as far as to say I somewhat identify with it because often times I still feel like I’m trying to figure the world (and more so my society) out sometimes.

Either way, it really gave me that gentle boost to pick up the pencil (mostly tablet pen) and start drawing how I was feeling inside my head. It felt so natural I was starting to think that maybe I won’t backslide on my drawing anymore, that maybe this is the one fandom or muse that will bring me to where I was as far as drawing habits.

I think it is and I’m feeling really good about it (for the first time ever I’m looking up headcannons for a movie). I even drew Hiro (he’s so damn cute) yesterday and I’m really proud of what I made. It’s simple, was fun to do and I didn’t struggle a whole lot. It was to me how drawing is supposed to be, fun and lighthearted because if it’s not fun then we shouldn’t be doing it.

I even felt content, happy and in the present enjoying myself doing two things I really love, drawing and listening to music. It was the feeling place and experience I needed to let me know how I want most of my life to go. The feeling I want to have most of all.

And it felt really good…

This is what I have so far in my Hiro picture

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Vision 57: Owning It

I feel good. I feel good because I’m not just finally owning my worth as a person, but I’m owning up to my purpose. For years I wanted to get back into drawing like I used to do, but somehow I would never fully commit myself to it. Honestly, all those times I did try I wasn’t really committed at all.

I wasn’t committed because I wasn’t doing it for me. I was doing it because it felt like an obligation.

I had to be better, I had to start drawing again because if I didn’t, it would be a waste of talent, time and energy. It didn’t feel good at all, because I was making myself feel bad due to the lack of drawing I was doing. I’m seeing the reason for that a lot clearer now. It wasn’t because I stopped drawing as much, but I wasn’t valuing myself as I was. I felt that I, myself, as a person had no value but my talent in drawing did.

So I was trying to make myself draw so that I could feel valuable and that I had “something” to do and give in this world. My art then wasn’t about my own happiness but what I felt others saw in me. I didn’t feel good about myself, I blamed myself for a lot of things. A lot happened in the last five years and during that time all I did was make myself feel bad for not doing or being better, so of course everything I did was for me to make up for it all.

But my art was probably my biggest victim of all, I downgraded it to almost nothing so I barely had that, so when I tried to get back into drawing again, of course it didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel good enough to draw, it felt like a luxury to be drawing. I dared to have fun again doing something I love than slaving at a business, job or something else that only caused me suffering. It took a very long time for me to realize how much I degraded myself and my own worth and how that effected my artistic self. Granted, when I was drawing full-time I had a lot of issues that stemmed from the same thing, unworthiness, but this time instead of effecting what I drew, it simply started to wipe that part of me away. And I honestly had no idea what to do. I didn’t know what to think or how to fix it.

No matter how much I would try drawing on a normal basis it just didn’t stick, no matter how many ideas I had, how much confidence I had at the time, or motivation. I just couldn’t get myself to feel “good,” truly good in drawing again. I thought it was my lack of determination and other shit like that, but it was actually a very deep emotional call and innocence I wasn’t looking at. The value of being me, the value of being a person in this world, and just the value of existing and how much of a miracle I am. I didn’t think of myself as a miracle but a person that would try really hard but fuck up every time.

Because of that thought process, naturally I made drawing something that was too good for me. I knew how valuable it was and even made my art match the unworthiness I thought I was. I truly felt that I wasn’t good enough to draw and even if I did, my art wasn’t worth much as a result so of course no matter how hard I tried drawing and being an artist, it wouldn’t stick for me.

Even then, I knew how valuable my actual ability, talent and potential was. I knew deep inside that if I could connect with that spirit I would be unstoppable but knowing how great I could be in a place where I felt so low, I couldn’t see myself actually being that. It just didn’t make sense and I played out that exact role and didn’t own my purpose, my art, my creativity fully, my talents or my artistic abilities. I knew how much I could do but I was so convinced that I was nothing more than a failure I just let myself be that then challenge something that I was used too. Thank god though, I’m growing out of it.

After being reconnected fully to my life purpose and really making myself “see” it for what it is. I’m ready to own it. Full time, no bullshit;  let’s go to the moon, no rockets. I feel worthy now, I feel good enough to draw and own my artistic potential and then some. I want to do this, I feel it inside and it’s so different now than it ever was. I’m truly wanting and ready to own my purpose, my talent and what I’m made for in this world and I’m not willing for anyone, even myself to stop me. I’m ready, I’m willing and I’m doing it. I’m owning it…

I’m owning it now.

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Vision 56: Love List #67

1. I love being an artist, I love that this is my path!
2. Thank you for the path that is being laid out for me, it feels so exciting!
3. Thank you for the money that supports me in my path, I love my new money relationship!
4. I love the feeling of ease when it comes to my purpose, it feels effortless!
5. I love creating my reality and making it what I want it to be
6. I love being the creator of my reality!
7. I love being in control of what I experience in my life
8. I love the freedom of being all of who I am
9. I enjoy my self-expression in my art!
10. Thank you for my blessing of being an artist!

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Vision 55: Sailor Mini Moon

 

My drawing of Rini from Sailor Moon that I did today

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Vision 53: Artist Manifesto

 

I want to be an artist because it feels good to create the images in my mind. It feels good to recreate the things I see. I love creating the stories in my head and coloring the pictures I make.

I love making themed things and looking at my drawings and creations. It feels good to morph and shape my pencil sketches with my pens and see the personality of the picture come alive. I love making things that are meaningful to me. I love drawing and being inspired in the moment.

I love creating things that I see outside of me and making them more real in my mind. I love following my inspiration and making characters that are pretty. I love pretty pictures, I love making pretty pictures the most. I love the magic of making a picture pretty, sweet, happy and serene. I love making pretty pictures so much that it's all I want to draw. I want to draw sweet pictures that always makes me feel joy 100% of the time. I love the feeling of making sweet pictures, I love knowing that I make sweet pictures, I love knowing that I’m the one that makes pictures like these. I feel inspired to do more every day. I feel inspired to create more color in my life. I feel more inspired to create from that inspiration.

I want to be an artist because it feels good to me. It feels like my path of least resistance. It’s what gives me joy every day, it makes me really awesome friends. It gives me inspiration to live life more. It gives me ease and a relaxed feeling. It comforts me and I get to express myself.

I love expressing myself. I love creating from my experience. I love knowing that I can create from my experience. I love the feeling of what it feels like to create from my experiences. I love looking at all the art I done. I love seeing how well I did it. I love seeing how I improved. I love feeling the rush of how good it feels to be an artist right here in the moment. It feels good to have that super power. It feels good to know that this will become more.

I love that people see me drawing and love it too. I love that other people love what I love. I love that connection to my source through my work. I love the rush of inspiration. I love that becoming of more of who I am. I want to be an artist because I love it and I can’t stop thinking about it every day. I have to be an artist because that is all that I want to know and do know no matter what I do in this world.

I want to be an artist because it makes me feel really good and I have no excuses not to feel good. I want to be an artist because it’s what I love. I want to draw because it’s what I enjoy and love about being an artist. I want to draw because I can do it. I want to draw because it flows. I want to be an artist because it feels big, huge and I’m already am that.

I want to draw but I am afraid. I’m afraid because I feel like I have to be huge and I don’t feel that I am right here at this moment. I don’t feel huge, but I still feel like an artist. I feel like an artist because I do art all the time in so many different ways. I still draw lots and it’s always become more and more.

I love that no one cares what I draw but me and that I can take control what I draw in every moment. I’m blessed to become an artist, even though I have my ups and downs. I wouldn’t change anything because I love being an artist so much and changing my reality to what I see in my mind.

Being an artist is just being creative and I’m very creative, so I haven’t stopped drawing completely. I’m still creating every day and I’m really good at it. It makes me feel good to see all the creations that I make, see and feel. I’m so happy to be an artist because I’m blessed with the ability to create. I’m blessed I can make the images that I love on the computer. I’m blessed because I can do it. I’m blessed because that is my path, this is what I came here for. This feels right to me. It feels like effortlessness. It feels like it’s calling me gently. It wants me to be there but it’s not forceful. It wants that lovely connection with me. It wants me to connect to it. It wants me to be inspired. It wants me to create whatever I want. It wants me to feel safe. It wants me to be here, right now in this moment to just love and adore myself for being an artist and to know that is my life’s journey and that I enjoy being an artist.

It wants me to just know and to feel it and to just enjoy it. It wants me to love me as an artist and to love my ability to do it.

That’s all, that’s it.

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Vision 49: Self Love ATC Process

I was inspired by the universe to make another ATC, this time on self-love. When I started to add self-love to my morning practice things started to shift very quickly in all areas. I even found money on the ground the first day I did it! That event alone was a wakeup call, a wakeup call that I needed for a very long time.

Self-love is the most important thing on this planet, it’s important because without that love of self you’ll always settle for less and life will treat you as such. I know I have settled for less for many years and thought that loving myself was working to the bone to achieve my goals. But I learned that is the opposite of self-love as well as other things I thought I was doing in the name of self-love.

What I learned the most however is that self-love requires nothing. You don’t need money, a lover, a best friend, a job, a house, makeup, shoes or your life to be “together” and perfect. In fact the best place to start loving yourself is where you fail the most at, because self-love is unconditional. The most unconditional love you’ll ever receive here on earth. I truly started to feel that love for myself once I remembered all the stupid shit I did in my life and chose to love myself anyway… That is true self-love…

I got started on this tonight with the urge to draw traditionally vs. on the computer. As much as I love drawing on the computer, it stresses my eyes out too much. That and the feeling of putting the pens and colored pencils on paper is the feeling of coming home, something I wanted to do again for years.

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Vision 48: The Angel of The Inner Child Finished!

My first angel artist trading card is finally finished. I actually finished it about a month or so ago but I procrastinated actually posting it up.

 

I notice that as much as I love drawing and creating, I’ve been procrastinating on drawing full time again. It honestly scares me to dive deep into something that I love so much. I don’t want to fail or have something bad happen on my way to wherever my dreams are with my art.

I love art so much that I would rather sit around and let it die than risk the hurt of doing it and falling on my face again. If art was my lover, I would be the type of boy that would never commit to the one guy that actually wanted me. I would self-sabotage the relationship early because I would be too afraid to dive deep into its love and fail the expectations I have on myself and my lover.

I don’t want to hurt myself or my art again, as strange as it sounds. Art means everything to me and when you really love someone or something  you do some crazy shit to protect it, even if it hurts you at the end.

Talking about these feelings, I know that there is nothing to be truly afraid of. I shouldn’t draw for a certain outcome but for the fact I can draw at all. Joe told me that and it really meant something to me. I attach so much stuff onto the things I love to make them more “meaningful” that I end up suffocating the passion I have for it altogether and I’m sick of doing that. I just want to enjoy my skills and art again, no matter if I make money from it one day or not, whether people like it or not or whatever end result I’m looking at. That’s not the point to why I draw.

I draw because it’s fun, I draw because it’s comforting, I draw because I love it, I draw because I enjoy it, I draw because it’s my soul's passion in life; so why should I let money or anything else get in the way of that?

I shouldn’t and I’m changing it right now…

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Vision 41: The Angel of The Inner Child

I’m currently making some angel artist trading cards to sell, something that I always wanted to do! Here is my first one, The Angel of The Inner Child, something that I was inspired to make yesterday but only got around to it today. I drew her holding a heart that represents the inner child, that untouched wild and connected part of us all.

The topic and the healing of the inner child came up a lot in the last 2 days so I’m sure the divine wanted me to channel that healing energy into this ATC. So if you’ve been working through some issues related to your childhood, inner child or any beliefs stemming from that part of your life, I highly recommend bringing this angel into your home!

I just got done the line art and I’m going to color it with colored pencils. If you’re interested in buying this angel ATC  before I post it in my shop send me a message! Each angel ATC comes with its own personal message as well so if you’re in need of guidance in relation to your inner child this will provide the answer for you!

I plan to make more angel ATCs with each angel representing a certain subject like love, abundance and etc so there will be lots more to come. If you’re interested in getting an angel ATC of your own guardian angel or guide you can go here to my shop to order one!

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