Sunday, December 10, 2017

Deciding to Become Rich

I’m deciding to become rich. I’m deciding for myself that I will become wealthy and have a really great relationship with money and abundance. Not just in the amount of something that I have, but actual money, the dollars, the bills, the financial currency that we all use to exchange goods and services.

It’s so easy to dance around the uncomfortable topic of money and to beat around the bush and hide behind the vagueness of the idea of abundance vs actual money. Having  the abundance of  (positive) relationships, love, experiences and happiness is great and represents wealth, but do you ever really get down to the nitty gritty of the actual issues that you have with money, most don’t. I sure have fallen into that deeply veiled trap being into self-help and development which has only delayed the full processing of my issues with money, and why I don’t allow myself to have the kind of money that I want.

When I decided to leave home and into the shelter, after a year of going all in into the Abe teachings, I was a different person than I was before. I changed my mind about a lot of things. I knew who I really was,  I knew my ability to live as a happy individual, I knew the possibility of creating a life that I wanted and my worthiness about having those things. Before then, all I thought was how I wasn’t good enough and how bad my life was.

There is no coincidence between my positive change in thoughts and in the dramatic positive shifts that took place in 2014 and beyond. When before, my life was the same shit cycle that I was in for 5 plus years with no hopes of anything changing for the better.

It wasn’t some magic spell that I casted that magically changed my circumstances. There wasn’t some pill, program, person or whatever that inserted itself into my life and changed me. It was my decision to change my negative thoughts and beliefs that I had about myself and about my world that changed my life. Beliefs that were ingrained in me for a lifetime that pummeled me with the manifestations of struggle, strive and the belief that I wasn’t worthy for anything good, especially money.

It was the decision as well as the practice and determination to create my reality the way I knew I could have it, that the positive changes came to past. Something that I was blind to before since my beliefs about life was very negative pre-Abe.

I want to do, and WILL DO the same with money. I want to finally decide to become rich, practice that vibration, change my mind and beliefs about myself and money and create a reality where I am rich and have a lot of money. Instead of holding myself back because of how other people feel about those who have a lot of money and wealth, which is also my downfall as well.

It’s up to me to decide what is best for me and to go after the things that I truly want, and every desire that you have, the universe can deliver it in full manifested form. The desire that I have to become rich is one that I always had and know is the kind of life that I would most enjoy.

I want to start looking at myself and money and start peeling back the deeper negative beliefs and assumptions that I have about it and change it for the better. I want to see myself in a new way and blossom in a way where I’m having different experiences and changes in the way money makes its way to me.

This is one of the most exciting things that I decided to do so far because this is something that I’ve been holding back for many years. But now, I’m deciding to address the elephant in the room and finally make space for the kind of money that I want to allow in my life, than entertaining false premises and negative thinking when it comes to attracting and maintaining wealth in my life.
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Monday, November 27, 2017

Why Using LOA to Solve Problems Doesn't Work

If you want to hear more about this check out my new video on the 3 mistakes I made while learning the law of Attraction!

I've been studying a lot more about LOA, manifesting and the Abraham teachings after feeling quite drained from daily life. More than anything, the issues and problems that I'm seeing around me. I wanted life to feel good again and care free, I wanted to feel good and lighthearted again but there were so many things that I found wrong in my life I just couldn't connect to my innate joy and it was showing.

Naturally, whenever a problem comes up I want to fix it so that I don't have to deal with it, and really, feel better. I wanted to lose weight, I wanted to move out from where I lived, I wanted the roach problem in my living space to be solved and so many other small and not so small things to be freaking done with. So of course knowing how to create my reality, I should use my manifesting skills to put everything back into place...

However, I'm learning that using the law of attraction to solve problems doesn't work... Like at all.

I should visualize a roach free kitchen (that I have to share with 5 other people), I should feel the feeling of being in my own place (that I have no idea how it'll happen), I need to behave as if I lost the weight that I don't want. Of course right? That is the methods and tools that I've learned over the years and they do work. So why don't they work when I need something to be resolved!??

Because I'm not really focused on the solution but the problem. And whatever we focus our attention on, LOA HAVE TO make it bigger, it is law.

So yeah, I hate looking at the extra rolls on my body, I hate seeing little critters run into the shadows when I turn the light on and I hate thinking about not knowing where my next home will come from BUT FOR ME TO SHIFT MY VIRBATION TO ATTARCT WHAT I ACTUALLY WANT, I HAVE TO FOCUS ON THE ACTUAL SOULTION, or really, something else that makes me feel good.

Focus is so important in manifesting because it shows exactly where your point of attraction is in real time. If I'm seeing something I don't like and holding my attention to it, I'm only making it bigger, I'm saying to the universe that this is my vibration. My vibration of critters, extra weight and being stuck where I don't want to be. I can't attract a better situation, the solution, or what I actually want while I'm completely tuned into what I don't want so intensely. Those are two completely different vibrations and I know that because of how I feel, total flipping disgust.

The times where I kept my attention away from the problems I thought I needed to solve, the problems solved itself in time. I felt genuinely better even when the issue was around; I didn't let it control how I felt. I just allowed myself to be happy without whatever it is that I thought I needed, and sooner than later the solution came on its own. Especially when I stopped caring about the problem outright.

Letting the problem go and even the idea that the problem needs to be solved gave me space to connect with myself again, to know exactly what I wanted and to realize that I can give that thing to myself. In the form of positive feelings, empowering self-talk and the knowing that I'm more powerful than I think. That the universe is responding to my feelings of joy AND my demise.

Sometimes it's hard to find a logical excuse in giving up the fight to make things right or better especially when I feel justified in it, but it's the only way I seen things truly change for the better and I forget that sometimes.

Even though I'm still learning how to curve the need to "fix" everything via manifesting, I'm reminding myself today that I don't need to solve anything but allow myself to feel joy. Because when I'm in joy all solutions can easily make it's way to me and more importantly I'm living a life of unconditional joy!

♥♥♥ Kai Oceans - Cultivate The Positive ♥♥♥
Aura, Energy and Card Readings Book a reading here


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Monday, October 9, 2017

Change Your Story Change Your Life

I’m realizing just how much changing the story I tell myself is important. That instead of watching other people live their lives and go after what they want, sitting in jealousy and envy, I can change my own life around. I can do exactly what I want to do as well, but I have to stop the bullshit story I keep telling myself.

It’s really disempowering looking at people on YouTube (or social media in general) and think to yourself how lucky and amazing they are, and how unfortunate I am. That somehow because of how I grew up or whatever, I can’t achieve the same things. It’s really all bullshit at the end of the day. I’m just as capable as they are, but if I’m not telling myself that story that I can do it, than how can I possibly make that leap? How can it be possible for me if I keep telling myself that I can’t or whatever excuses I make up because I’m feeling sorry for myself.

And a part of me wanted to feel bad for myself. I wanted to be the victim, but the problem with that is that I can’t be the hero. If I’m the victim of my circumstances than there is no room for change, I’m the victim after all. That doesn’t feel good, and that only leads me to make more excuses about dumb stuff that isn’t important or relevant in the grand scheme of things. I saw that yesterday, I saw how much I wanted to be the victim and how much I wanted to stay stuck because I was determined to be right. I wanted to be right and for the world to be wrong, and that doesn’t serve me one bit.

The only thing that I get is where I’m sitting in, victimhood and jealousy, and really, stagnation. That sucks. That’s a bullshit prize.

It just freaking sucks. So I decided to change that. I wanted to change that because I was sick of holding myself back for stupid reasons that don’t even matter. So what if people don’t do things the way I would want them to be done. I can’t control what other people do anyway so I can only do what I can do and leave the rest alone. To stop worrying and fussing over everything. Not that I don’t have a good reason to fuss but I can’t fuss enough to change things. I can surly advocate for myself, that is taking action and responsibly, but I was just complaining and not willing to move on with life.

That is what kept me stuck for so long.

I don’t know what you’ve might have been going through the last few days, weeks, months or years but I challenge you to really look at yourself right now and ask yourself, is it worth it? Is it worth it being right when you sacrifice your own growth at the end? Even if you are justified to feel the way you do (hell we all do) is it worth it to keep that resentment inside you for so long that you don’t even recognize yourself anymore?

I tell you it’s not, even if you think it is. Because nothing hurts more than not moving on, being stuck and really, not being able to create your own reality.

Being a victim sucks, and it sucks because you’re powerless in the situation. And I’ll be damned if I tell myself that story again.

Peace, love and ramen,

Kai <3
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Friday, June 23, 2017

Vision 95: Acceptance and Flow

I really went off track in the last few months. In my honest attempt to progress and advance my life to the “standards” that society wants me to be, I lost myself. Stress, busyness, resistance and doing too many things that I simply didn’t want to do filled my weeks for months, while I held on the dreams of restarting my YouTube, buying a better camera and being able to move into a new apartment.

Getting what I wanted as soon as possible, were more important than how I felt, and because I thought that pushing ahead, harder and stronger was the best way to do that, I ended up burning myself out. Not only I burned myself out, but things started to unravel. Not that everything turned bad, but the path towards what I want simply broke apart even before I could really get started and really put my dreams into action.

Frustrated, with not only the universe but with myself, I just shut down. I stopped listening to the universe, I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to “trust” that I’ll get what I want only to be disappointed again.

I know it was my own doing that lead to my own disappointment and more so, my need to be “normal” and up to par with everyone else.

Acceptance is a funny thing, you’ll almost do anything for it but somehow the more you try to get it, the less of who you are you become.

You’ll trade your authenticity for acceptance. I seem to confuse the acceptance from others and jumping through hoops for being good, normal and on the right path. However, what I found is the more I try to be “normal” the more off my real path I become. Life doesn’t make sense, the things that I try to do don’t work out and I feel an emptiness within myself… I know I’m not being true to who I am, but I’m afraid to be exposed for my flaws. I want to blend in so people won’t see my shortcomings.

That simply doesn’t work. I tried that way of life for years, trying to be normal and imposing what I felt was right, how things should be while living with my family. It only kept me stuck in dysfunction and chaos. Attempting to force things into place didn’t work then and doesn’t work now, no matter how much I want to succeed.

I don’t need to be anything different than who I am, and the fear that I feel of being seen as who I am is groundless. What I feel is wrong with me is what wrong with everyone, I’m simply human and I’m not perfect.

I shouldn’t allow superficial flaws and idealism to stop me from the real progress, my own healing, recovery and self-acceptance. That is my only work and it does work in my life. Life goes a lot smoother, opportunities find me and I feel like myself. Everything just works and flows. When I seek validation from others, life is no longer fun, and I’m in constant resistance.

I deserve my own true happiness, joy and sense of peace in my life and it doesn’t matter where it comes from or how I get it. Even if I do all the “wrong” things in the world’s eye’s if it makes me whole, then I’m right in what I do.

I don’t have to look outside myself anymore.
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Sunday, January 8, 2017

Vision 94: Life is Good

The most important thing that I can ever do for myself on a day to day basis is be kind to myself. To love myself unconditionally, to treat myself well, to say kind things to myself and to always stay focus on the universal love that is always shining on me.

Freedom is so important to me, it’s my everything because it’s the number one thing that I strive for in all I do, and I didn’t even know it till recently. I love myself, but I seem to love myself more when I allow myself to be all that who I really am, than trying to fit myself in someone else’s ideals.

I don’t care to be everything to everybody, that was never my job. But it is my job to make myself happy, and that has been getting easier for me every day, even in days where I forget. Sometimes just that gentle reminder to love myself changes the whole game for me powerfully in a way that I would never expect. It’s a good feeling knowing that I have control over how I feel and how my life goes, because when I didn’t believe that, life wasn’t joyful at all.

Expressing myself has gotten easier too. Art has been my first love (maybe after video games) and I’m taking my joy and power back from the idea that I had to be a certain way to be a great artist. Now, I’m practicing loving myself through loving my art and being open to my unique ideas again, and THAT has been shifting my world in amazing ways.

Art shows, professional art classes, a paid apprenticeship, growth in skills, playing in new mediums and feeling better about myself as an artist is just the few of many things that happened after I got down and dirty with my less than joyful idea of who I was as an artist. It’s been about a year since I started working on this subject so I’ve barely scratched the surface, however, I can tell how powerful art is in my life and my sense of creativity. It has opened a lot of doors for me and I’ve been walking through all of them.

Life is good, really good and I have myself to account for that because I made it my business to choose happiness over everything else, even when other people had other ideas on what I should be doing.

I never need to suffer. I never need to be without and I never need to prove myself to anyone or anything. My life is good and as long as I hold my own self-love, happiness, joy, fun and freedom on top of my list, life will continue to be good.

And that is something that I DO want.
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Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Vision 93: Getting Messy


That’s been the feeling I’ve been occupying the last few months. I’m frustrated over the limits that I put in place on myself. I’m frustrated over the limits that I choose to do things. To not cut things off when I feel it’s the right time, leave things behind that no longer serve me and to throw useless things away.

In a way, I’m frustrated over myself. I can feel inside this big beautiful energy that wants to blossom even more and grow, but I’m limiting myself. I’m stopping myself because of my own insecurities and fears.

That I won’t know what to do, that things will be different and that I won’t be able to handle what will happen next. It’s like knowing you’re able to break the ceiling of your own capacity of joy, love and fun but choosing not to. You know what it will be like on the other side, you know you’ll be happier but you choose your comfort over expansion. You choose anger over joy, stagnation over expansion, fear over love and conformity over breaking the mold.

I don’t want to do that anymore, I want to grow, I want to expand, I want to move farther out of my “uncomfortable” comfort zone, I want to change things up, I want to take a leap of faith, I want to see myself differently… I want all of that and more. I can do it, I can change, for me, for myself, for my well-being.

I don’t have to let other people, circumstances or situations stop me from being all that I can be, because none of those things have control over my life, I do. I want that creative life, I want to fill my time with my own joy of self-expression, creativity, innovation and joy. I want that, WITHOUT thinking that I have to put it second (or really tenth) on my priority list.

I guess, I’m used to not considering my art as an “important” thing. I’m used to dreaming about the perfect circumstances, the time I can be supported and when everything else will be “completed” before I can go forward completely in my creativity.

That I’ll be secure and should be secure before engaging in my passion fully, but that is the thing that is stopping me.

My creativity, my passion isn’t something that I need to save for “last” when everything is “perfect.” My creativity isn’t that special, it’s not a luxury, it’s not something I’m supposed to wait for because everything else is “more important.” My creativity IS the most important thing in my life, it’s everything, the very backbone of my identity, and I don’t have to wait for it, not anymore.

It doesn’t have to be this special thing, it can be an everyday, normal thing because it permeates everything in my life. It can be me, it can be my everything because it IS my life and it IS important and VITAL to my well-being. It CAN be something that I focus on every day and something that I put over a lot of other- nowhere near as important- things on my priority list.

Creativity isn’t frivolous, it’s a way of life and an emotional and intellectual outlet for me that deserves my attention. I deserve to get messy with it, to roll around in it, and just be one with it. It’s been with me this whole time and I’ve been the snooty one. Feeling that I’m not yet good enough for it to be important in my life. That’s not true, and never was.

It wants to get real, messy, crazy and just authentic with me, it WANTS that from me. It doesn’t want me to be perfect, it wants me to be real, and if I create something that’s a hot mess then that’s more than okay. That is what my creativity is for, to express those messy feelings and to get real with myself. Not some trophy that I display for others to show how “whatever void I’m trying to fill” I am. My creativity is me, and I’m a mix of so many experiences, outlooks, perspectives and ideas that of course it’s going to come out a little messy at times…

I need to be okay with that. To be okay to be messy, to be real and authentic. To accept that I’m this multifaceted spiritual being that isn’t perfect, which my creativity and all the mediums that I do it in will reflect on, in one way or another.

And I think I’m finally okay with that…
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Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Vision 92: UPgrade

I won’t allow people to take advantage of my kindness anymore. I won’t allow people to gaslight me, guilt trip me or throw who I am in my face because I decided to be all that I can be. I won’t allow myself to shut down in hopes to calm the next person down or to not start trouble.

I’m going to and always will stand up for myself no matter how much the next person doesn’t like it. I decide what is best for me every single day and no one gets the pleasure to make that choice for me anymore. I won’t stand for any ignorance in my life, toxicity, negativity, name calling or anything that is meant to destroy my self-esteem (or others really). I won’t allow that anymore.

My life is full of light, happiness, joy, expansion and just damn good times, but when someone wants to take that and throw it in my face as if I’m doing something wrong, I won’t stand for it anymore.

I’m done, I’m cutting you out of MY life.

It’s hard to decide when it’s time to up and leave a person’s life, more so family but I’ve learned time and time again that if I don’t decide to do something on behalf of me, because I don’t want to deal with anyone’s bullshit anymore, that it’ll only continue and I’ll also continue to be hurt, shut down and just not who I intended to be when I woke up that morning.

At the same time, it’s so liberating to decide that a person won’t be participating in my joy, in my growth and just all that I am and will become. It’s good to know that I can do this and still move on. Not because I believe that I couldn’t before, but my life, my sense of self will become that much greater without the heaviness.

I’m okay with being alone, I’m okay with being by myself and doing things independently because I know that I love me for me. And the people I choose to be around has to feel the same. If anyone doesn’t like the way I am and the way I choose to be, it’s not my problem and it only shows that you’re not a fit in my life.

I’m upgrading right now, myself, my views, my beliefs, my self-love, my behavior, my relationships with friends, family… Everything.

So if anyone wants to show their ass at this time, believe me you’re doing me a favor because it’ll only show who I need in my life and who I need to leave behind.

I’m happy that my life is the way it is, I’m happy for the way I am and who I choose to be every day and I won’t allow anyone to take that joy away from me. Not anymore.
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