Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Vision 91: False Sense of Power

I’m just realizing how much control I really don’t have over the world at large and how much energy I waste in the thoughts and attempts to manipulate the world into what I think it should be.

I see that for a good chunk of my life I’ve been worried about what might happen, what is currently happening and what might not happen. When I’m in these thoughts and actions, in hopes to change things into my favor, I lose myself. I lose my sense of self and my sense of being in the present. There is something about worry, anxiety, stress, depression and the like that separates me so acutely from who I am. To the extent I can’t even remember the true purpose and the point of living.

I’m so enamored with constant messages to be this, or to do that, that I forget who I am and the things that “I” want to do and create for myself.

Even with trimming my schedule and lessening my unproductive interactions I have with the outside world, I still feel obligated to “show up,” socialize, help people, post things online, be productive and things just to “keep up” with everyone else. But if I were to be honest with myself, I couldn’t give a damn. I don’t want to keep up with every single thing that everyone is doing, and certainly I want more time to myself to be myself. I lose myself too often on a daily basis just to save face on some level.

I want to be free, free of all the things that I really don’t want to be bothered with. I want to be more alone and spend more time with myself in my own energy, even though I have my own place. I guess what I’m really saying is that I need to, even more, let go of the things that I don’t want to be bothered with because it’s keeping me in a space where I feel I have to jump through every hoop or even at the least, have my mind on things I really can’t control.

The quote “Relax, nothing is in control” resonates so deeply with me because I know that is the spiritual truth of it all. Nothing is really “in control,” everything is just “is.”

Maybe that is why I feel my best when I let go of the concept of time, trying to fix all my activities in neat little time slots, trying to plan ahead to avoid danger and simply trying my damndest to control the world around me. There is no need for me to control anything because everything is working as it should. It is me that needs not to be in control so that I can allow the universe to work around me and my own unique vibration.

I’m sabotaging my own self in the false belief of controlling the uncontrollable. The more I worry about and try to control, the more time I lose being in the moment and actually doing the things I truly want to do that will lead to the things I really want and desire.

But I always have a choice and seeing how my most recent actions are producing results that I don’t like, I can change how I do things, so that it suits me purely and my own happiness so that I’m happy with myself and my life.

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Thursday, October 13, 2016

Vision 90: The Present Moment

It’s been a few days since I started to go back to my self-care routine, following fully in my bliss and deciding to be present in the moment, than dreaming about the future.

What I noticed most about my life and manifesting the things that I want is that I assume that just by visualizing, day dreaming and imagining the things I want in the future, somehow, the future will suddenly be here. That I’ll have everything I want, and I’ll be living the life I always wanted. I’ll be different, my personality will be different, my destiny will be different and the me that I am today will be gone.

But time and time again, it’s always shown to me that the person I am today, the core of who I am, will be the person and being that will be in the future that I’m imagining.

Without the me “today” there will be no me in the future. And without me being in the present, the future that I’m dreaming about can’t manifest itself to me, mostly because I’m stuck in a state of discomfort, anxiety and worry about the things that might or not might happen. But the point is in life is to create, I create my future through the present moment. I constantly take what I have and create and manifest more of it.

The future that I’m living today is last year’s dream which came from last year’s physical creation in that moment. I am here to create, the moment I’m living in now is the most furthest place I’ll ever be. There is no real future, just what I’m imagining and desiring it to be in the present. However, the future becomes today by not only my focus on what I want, but the act of creating the future today, not someday when things become perfect.

I believe that all that I want will surely come, not because it magically appears when I wake up, but by me honoring myself as I am right now and making it more. That is what manifestation is really about. Taking what you want, who you are, honoring it and making it into something more. It’s the reason why I’m here and the reason why I chose to be a creator in this reality, because it feels good to get my feet wet.

It feels good to see what I have now. It feels good knowing I can create the future how I really want it today. It feels good to know that I can start doing the things I love now, than having to wait in the future. It feels good that my future, loving and brilliant self emanates into my now in the present. And bit by bit constantly greets me and guides me to where I need to go to become the future I desire.

It feels good to cultivate this positive, affirming state of being. This is what gives me life, this is what keeps me in the present, this is what keeps me happy about the present that I’m in, than hopeful for a better future.
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