Deciding to Become Rich

I’m deciding to become rich. I’m deciding for myself that I will become wealthy and have a really great relationship with money and abundance. Not just in the amount of something that I have, but actual money, the dollars, the bills, the financial currency that we all use to exchange goods and services.

It’s so easy to dance around the uncomfortable topic of money and to beat around the bush and hide behind the vagueness of the idea of abundance vs actual money. Having  the abundance of  (positive) relationships, love, experiences and happiness is great and represents wealth, but do you ever really get down to the nitty gritty of the actual issues that you have with money, most don’t. I sure have fallen into that deeply veiled trap being into self-help and development which has only delayed the full processing of my issues with money, and why I don’t allow myself to have the kind of money that I want.

When I decided to leave home and into the shelter, after a year of going all in into the Abe teachings, I was a different person than I was before. I changed my mind about a lot of things. I knew who I really was,  I knew my ability to live as a happy individual, I knew the possibility of creating a life that I wanted and my worthiness about having those things. Before then, all I thought was how I wasn’t good enough and how bad my life was.

There is no coincidence between my positive change in thoughts and in the dramatic positive shifts that took place in 2014 and beyond. When before, my life was the same shit cycle that I was in for 5 plus years with no hopes of anything changing for the better.

It wasn’t some magic spell that I casted that magically changed my circumstances. There wasn’t some pill, program, person or whatever that inserted itself into my life and changed me. It was my decision to change my negative thoughts and beliefs that I had about myself and about my world that changed my life. Beliefs that were ingrained in me for a lifetime that pummeled me with the manifestations of struggle, strive and the belief that I wasn’t worthy for anything good, especially money.

It was the decision as well as the practice and determination to create my reality the way I knew I could have it, that the positive changes came to past. Something that I was blind to before since my beliefs about life was very negative pre-Abe.

I want to do, and WILL DO the same with money. I want to finally decide to become rich, practice that vibration, change my mind and beliefs about myself and money and create a reality where I am rich and have a lot of money. Instead of holding myself back because of how other people feel about those who have a lot of money and wealth, which is also my downfall as well.

It’s up to me to decide what is best for me and to go after the things that I truly want, and every desire that you have, the universe can deliver it in full manifested form. The desire that I have to become rich is one that I always had and know is the kind of life that I would most enjoy.

I want to start looking at myself and money and start peeling back the deeper negative beliefs and assumptions that I have about it and change it for the better. I want to see myself in a new way and blossom in a way where I’m having different experiences and changes in the way money makes its way to me.

This is one of the most exciting things that I decided to do so far because this is something that I’ve been holding back for many years. But now, I’m deciding to address the elephant in the room and finally make space for the kind of money that I want to allow in my life, than entertaining false premises and negative thinking when it comes to attracting and maintaining wealth in my life.

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Vision 80: My Feelings About Money and Wealth

Money can be such a tough subject for me, at one point I understood it as I thought I needed too, but as the winds changed I find myself again at a struggling point to make it work for me.

I want money, I want money because I feel like it can give me the things I want like a nice home, nice things, and experiences that I wouldn’t have access to otherwise. At the same time, I feel so at war with the system of money that I was taught, I have no idea what to do with myself in terms of making an enjoyable, consistent and stable income.

Money feels ethereal to me, detached even from the material world; the polar opposite from how the rest of the world sees money. I feel like money can be attracted to you if you focus on it and align your energies the right way, yet, I’m constantly challenged to make money the old fashioned way through jobs or starting your own business. It’s all action orientated, based on money being strictly a physical thing, detached from the spiritual.  I just don’t get it, and I’m often frustrated with this typical earthly system of money. Honestly, I don’t want to be a part of it in any form because I haven’t found myself fitting into it very well at all.

It like I’m trying to cram myself into a small box where I can’t really express myself or move freely as I want to. However, I feel that I have such an important and wonderful job to do! Where money is not a concept to be enslaved in and I’m working my wonderful magic. But I can’t seem to find the right tools or system that matches my personal and unique view of money, and when I try (and I really do try) to do it the typical way I get really depressed, frustrated, and feel broken. If other people can somehow make a living, and more than likely be miserable, how come it’s so hard for me? Why the intense push and pull with money, careers, and jobs? It’s like I never found my own unique way to make money work for me because I haven’t seen another person with my unique issues make it work. It’s almost taboo and considered lazy and unrealistic.

Yet, I feel so strongly that I have something to give to the world but I don’t know how to use it myself as far as money because I was taught away from my true nature! Despite being an earthly Taurus and have a practical way of being, my outlook isn’t attached to the physical world at all, I definitely see things in a much different way. Which can cause all sorts of mishaps when I’m trying to live life, the human way as you’re expected too.

Even knowing all this, the real breakthrough is that I’m afraid to make money, because of this pressure to sacrifice my view and belief about money for a concept I simply don’t believe in. Even though it’s uncomfortable, I find it far easier to stay where I am, barely getting by and simply being resourceful (a true gift in itself) and feeling free from the pressures of money, than obtaining more wealth because I feel I have to give up so much for it.

I sometimes feel that I can’t be free if I chose to make money and a lot of it, or I have to be a soulless worker to have an income like everyone else.

It’s a tough issue sometimes but I believe were we struggle the most is where we have (or will have) the most expertise.

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Vision 76: Struggle

Today during my walk, I had a really great conversation with my guide Joe. I was telling him how when I was younger, I wasn’t this over the top passionate go getter like I am now. It really put in perspective of how I naturally functioned as a child and what traits I’ve developed in my adult years.

When he heard about that, he probed and asked me more questions relating how I basically made goals (or lack thereof) and how I go after them. Having this conversation, I learned that my struggle, the same struggle I’ve been having in the last 5-6 years of trying to make a thriving business, be a great artist or whatever I wanted was because I didn’t want to struggle in life anymore.

When I was younger, I didn’t have the intense problem(s) as I do now, it didn’t push me to overcome them and make big goals to eliminate them. The things that I did for fun, I did for fun, I had no real goals to become the best, to have some huge destiny or have some huge influence over the world. Only till my later teens and eventually when I became a young adult, things changed. When the recession hit, while I just got into college, the threat of losing my home became the center fold of my life, even now. From what I thought then was my saving grace the book, Creating Money, came into my hands. That was my first book on Law of Attraction, and through that book I learned that I could create the life that I wanted.

From then on, my goal was to fix my (or really my family’s) life of struggle and to make a business that I loved. However, on the journey to do those things I picked up very unhealthy and damaging beliefs about who I should be to become successful. The traditional ways of business goes against my very nature, and quite frankly I learned to work hard at it. Nonetheless, it just kept me in the same situation for years.

As time went by and my dreams and desires changed, I noticed that the common denominator was that I wanted my intended result to stop my life of struggle. And trying so hard to succeed and noticing how I wasn’t or couldn’t get there kept me in struggle more, so then I only attracted struggle as a result. Which leads me to where I was (and on some level now), spinning my wheels not going anywhere.

I realized this afternoon, that it isn’t my issues (through it is a small part of it) that was the reason I haven’t succeed in the things I wanted, but my desired intention was impure. I wanted the success to save me from my problems and struggles (what I didn’t want), it was the message I was sending to the universe. I wasn’t doing it because I simply loved doing what I was doing. I wasn’t focus on how good it felt or the fact it will grow into something more (what I did want). I pushed myself very far in everything I thought would be the magic solution for me, that one thing that would make me rich or simply change my life of struggle. But that isn’t what I was sending to the universe, all I was sending was the fact I hated my life and how nothing worked out for me, then worked harder to fix it and the cycle continues.

I learned an important lesson today, I have no need to struggle if I just stop struggling. I don’t have to overcome lifelong afflictions, family drama and dysfunction to succeed. All I need is to focus on what I love and allow the universe to bring it to me. I don’t need to do anything extra to be in an allowing place, just practice the feeling of it.

It’s as if for a really long time I’ve been going up the same mountain over and over again in hopes to find my destination, when all I had to do is look at the map and follow its path. I have no need to struggle anymore. I have no need to beat myself up for not being a better person.

All I need to do is praise myself and what I love and focus on those things because it’s the reason I want to do anything, because it feels good, not because I want to stop what I don’t want.

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Vision 56: Love List #67

1. I love being an artist, I love that this is my path!
2. Thank you for the path that is being laid out for me, it feels so exciting!
3. Thank you for the money that supports me in my path, I love my new money relationship!
4. I love the feeling of ease when it comes to my purpose, it feels effortless!
5. I love creating my reality and making it what I want it to be
6. I love being the creator of my reality!
7. I love being in control of what I experience in my life
8. I love the freedom of being all of who I am
9. I enjoy my self-expression in my art!
10. Thank you for my blessing of being an artist!

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Vision 46: Money Love List #54

 

It's been a super long time since I posted any of my Love Lists (thus why the number shot up lol) and I find posting my love lists really fun, so here is the one I just did recently!

1. Thank you for the money that I currently have, it’s more than enough
2. I enjoy thinking about money in my hands
3. I love feeling the freedom of having more than enough money
4. I enjoy living abundantly
5. There is so much money around me to be found
6. I’m grateful for all the experiences I can afford with my money
7. I enjoy shopping with ease with my money
8. I love saving money on my shopping trips
9. People give me money all the time and I love it
10. I enjoy my life being supported by my money

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Vision 42: What I Want to Invest In

Lately, I’ve been doing all I can to feel abundant and positive about money. Since joining the Money Money Money group and having that springboard knowledge and breakthroughs about my money relationship, I have way more tools on how to improve it.

So far I use visualizations, vision boards, storytelling, affirmations, meditation, journaling and playing with real physical money and so much more to conger the feeling of having money and more than enough of it. It’s been such a fun thing and I actually look forward to it in the morning. In all of that, I felt the need to write about what I wanted to invest my money in, because it’s not how you attract it that matters but how you spend it also.

What I want to invest my money in is my own freedom and all the activities I really want to do. I want to be able to move out and into my own bright, roomy and comfortable home. I love the shabby chic style so I would want to decorate my home in that fashion. I also love anime, cartoons video games and such so I want to make a really fun and comfortable living room area with a big TV and a shelf that houses all of my consoles and DVDs.

The kitchen would have tons of natural light and just the right size for me to cook all the things I would love to make. I actually talked about this in my shabby chic post I made last week.

What I really want to invest in is a business coach that can help me expand on my creative intuitive business and create a more fun and effortless way to bring money into my experience. I would invest a lot of money in my creative intuitive business because it’s something very close to my heart. In fact, I feel like it’s a part of my purpose and a great unused tool. I often combine my “need” for money with my “love” for my creative intuitive business that results in me stalling on what I really want to do with it. I procrastinate because I’m afraid of things not working out or that I won’t make any money to truly support myself…

This is so crazy! I felt the need to write down what I wanted to invest in (I felt that for a few days now actually), and when I started to talk about my business a huge light bulb went off! It’s like a shining key that’s saying “Use me! Use me” but I’ve internally stalled myself so much in really building it that I ignored it and fell back into my old story. The one business story where I’m unhappy with what I’m doing and nothing works. Yet, this year I created something that is so far from that story that inspires my whole life. I know this is something I want to do and do well, I’m just letting my own fears and limited thinking steer me away from that.

I’m thinking this was the universe’s way for me to realign to what I really want and REALLY invest my time and money in it. I really want to invest in this new business story and everything I am in it, because I know how much this would mean to me for this to work. To actually have a steady stream of people coming to me for my fun and playful readings and products!

So that is what I want to invest my money in (among other things for sure lol) and something I’m going to continue to work on for myself and my own happiness. I’m sure when I start working on something that I love the money will show up in really crazy ways!

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Vision 40: Attracting Easy Money

I noticed that I’ve been attracting people that make money though easy means. Whether it was a simple video course, an mp3 mediation, an audio course or even designing character skins, I’ve been noticing more and more that it’s very possible to earn money and a lot of it without hard work. It’s something that I personally call “easy money” and a concept that I’m just now really accepting as truth and a possibility in my world.

Before, I would be attracted to and often see a lot of big time bloggers, spiritual teachers, intuitive business women and so on that had huge enterprises and doing big things. They often spoke about traveling the world, speaking gigs, expensive coaching packages and so many different types of huge income streams that seem impossible to me.

It felt like I had to work really hard and long just to even have a taste of what they had. I wanted to change my life that was very much a struggle so I emulated them to create big courses and seemingly impossible things. This put me in a mindset that I had to struggle for easy money or any money at all. I had the belief that if I wanted to live the good life, I had to work long and hard for it. Or at least it increased my already set belief in that concept. The funny part was that many of these teachers preached about attracting money and clients, yet they often highlighted the “working hard” aspect of it all.

Getting to the point, my belief of working hard to make “any” money no less easy money put me in a path where I would see people do exactly that. Which fueled that belief even more, I had a lot of momentum in that belief and it took a while for me to notice that I was going down the wrong end of the money stick. The path of needing to do hard work, proving myself, doing impossible things and going out of my comfort zone to say to the universe I was ready for the money to roll in. The problem is that belief gave me negative feelings and made me feel even worst about my money situation because I was manifesting more struggle not ease.

Since then, I put myself in a place where took the Abraham material to heart and soon after I attracted the Money Course that really catapult me into the REAL possibly of making and having money without hard work. It changed my beliefs around and my relationship with money, and with knowing that relationship and being more aligned with it what I was attracted to changed.

Instead of craving to see and be like those people that had huge businesses and an abundance of money through a lot of determination, hard work and struggle just for it to be “easy,” I was attracting people and situations where there was money being made through ease. Though methods I could do and do well, from people I could relate to that didn’t make me feel small because of that contrast of me having a lack of money and them having more money. Basically, I’m quickly closing my gap between the lack of money and making more than I can imagine. The universe is moving mountains just to make that a reality for me and seeing easy money is just the beginning.

I even saw on the news yesterday morning about a mystery millionaire giving money away in the city, now that is what I call attracting easy money! No sooner I started to tune into the “easy money” vibe, it started exploding and showing up everywhere! :D

I didn’t have to do much either but really focus on what I already have, being grateful and playing with money and the feelings of having it. It took practice and I did have my backsliding moments but none the less I learned more and more about my dominate feelings and thoughts about money. Taking what I learned through all the ups and downs I can see clearly where I can gain a lot of money through ease, and how I can deflect it through struggle and strife.

If you want to learn about your money relationship, or the beliefs that you're holding that is stopping you from achieving your dreams and goals my Crystal Code Reading can help you gain clarity from your soul's truth!

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Vision 31: Family beliefs and Money

After coming back from the convention and taking a week off from my normal routine I’m having trouble believing I can truly change my money patterns.

I guess it started with noticing and thinking negatively about my home life and what goes on. Since I started therapy and really got out what I’ve been feeling, it’s as if I’m telling myself and making myself see that some of the harsher parts of my life haven’t changed much. This freaks me out because I’m now realizing how much damage the drinking and negativity in the house has affected me.

I always thought that my negative thinking was purely about me being negative but the life I’ve lived has a great influence over it, and I’m constantly fighting it. I always get mad at myself for not doing better, manifesting bigger things and somehow not getting the things I really want due to self-sabotage, but I’ve learned to live that way.

Somehow in a backdoor type of way, I taught myself to follow my family and parents so that I can protect myself from perceived harm. Like having people come after me because I have money, problems randomly arising because you have more income, and simply the fact that when you have more money you have more problems. As if as much as you want and need more money, having it doesn’t really serve you. That’s a pretty huge belief.

So in a crazy way, I took that in and lived by it subconsciously. So when I do start to make more money or I’m really close to success, I cut myself off because of those deeper beliefs that say that having money only brings more trouble and negativity. Usually the negativity that you can’t fix or solve.

When I feel safe to go out and do what I want to do is normally when I see another person (more or less IRL) do it and have a positive experience. Mostly, I haven’t had those good influences in my life. Everyone has the same core money beliefs on some level. More money, more problems, or that people only want you for your money and things like that. It makes me fearful that I won’t get the things I want out of life even when I’m successful because somehow it will all go wrong.

I knew about some of these beliefs but I’m learning about them in a deeper way today. A lot of my deeper beliefs comes from my home life which is mostly negative, especially the highlights of it. It’s like the “life lessons” my family has taught me was that money isn’t that great, it tears people apart, makes the government take it away from you and it’s a way for others to keep you poor and struggling. I guess I’m dealing with those reemerging feelings again because I feel somewhat stuck. It’s like I’m falling back into the mindset of “it’s better for me to just struggle in life to survive because that’s how others have done it.”

I have yet to see someone close to me “make it” and make their dreams come true. Everyone struggles, are unhappy and complain about life. And a lot of the conversations stem from lack, negativity or that somehow others have it better than them. A mindset I detest a lot. It’s like they want to be limited and try to convince that to everyone around them. And when you say something that goes against that truth, you’re wrong, unrealistic or naive. I’m honestly struggling between what I’m learning and what I already learned for years.

I know that I’m only taking on my family’s and other people’s beliefs and applying it to myself as if I’m the same. But it’s like I can’t help it, I’m still very used to that thinking even though I made great strides to change it.

I think now is especially tough because I’m dealing with a lot of positive changes, yet I still see things that hurts me a lot. It’s like no matter how much I try, I can’t do anything to make things better for everyone else. I feel like a failure and I don’t want to feel like that. I’m just having trouble accepting life for what it is for the people that live it.

At the end of the day, I have to look at myself and keep distancing myself from other’s beliefs and their emotions, that’s what gets me. If I consider myself as a singular player that can only effect my own reality (which is the truth of the matter) than I’m not as bad as I’m looking at others. I can, have and seen the changes I can create in my own life. Sometimes I just take things way too seriously and think that the struggle is the only way for me to “get it” because that is everyone else’s belief.

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Vision 20: Money Love List #6

Since I started the Money class, I’ve been working quite a bit on my relationship with money. A part of changing that relationship I made daily activities to help activate those good feelings associated with getting more money, thus I started a daily Money Love List. Just like my original Love List, I write down ten things that I love about money or things related to abundance. It’s really fun and it helps me feel good about money. Anyway, this is my 6th list (I started this days ago) and I hope you feel just as good reading it as I did!

1.    I love the new orders I get from my shop everyday

2.    I’m so grateful for the extra money I received and the money I have currently!

3.    I love feeling free from my resistance of money

4.    I love all the ideas of the things I can buy with my money

5.    I feel grateful for my gifts that brings in more money to me!

6.    I love feeling empowered to have money

7.    I love the expansive feeling I get from thinking about money

8.    I love to adore and appreciate money

9.    I love feeling like a princess with money

10.    I love my new money story that makes me feel rich and abundant!

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Vision 19: Healing Money Wounds

 Last Monday I started a money manifesting class and the results so far have been amazing! It’s not just abundance showing up for me and my family, but I’m finally facing my fears with money.

For a long time I thought that having a lot of money was bad to put it simply, and that having or even “wanting” more was bad and selfish. In all the years that I’ve been working the Law of Attraction in my life the idea of wanting and desiring more money brought in more pain than pleasure. However, in the last few days of engaging with physical money, visualizing and even writing new money stories for myself, that belief started to come to the surface till I fully realized it. It was a complete A-HA moment and a damn good one too. One that I truly needed:

In my attempts to attract more money I always felt deep inside that I couldn’t love, want or desire money because it was inherently bad. That you were greedy, selfish and taking much more than your fair share if you desired money. This showed up in how I perceived others as well because when I would see coaches talking about money, 6-figure businesses, their lifestyle and high priced services I would get pissed. Not only pissed at them but at myself for not being able to afford the help I needed and wanted.

It was a flat out lose-lose situation and I hated it even when I tried to change my perspective about them. It worked for some time where I did enjoy hearing from my favorite heart-centered businesswomen but the truth was I didn’t think it was okay for me to be where I’m at, struggling just to make $10, while seeing these women talk about money as if it was coming out of thin air.

It felt like life wasn’t fair and that I would always be broke, frustrated and struggling. Luckily, I stopped chasing after the next money-love-bliss-transformer-coach and started to truly focus on my life and issues.

Now, dealing with those money issues, I’m beginning to see where I went wrong in trying to gain more abundance in my life. It was the feeling of not being worthy or feeling bad for liking or desiring money that kept it away from me. In that place of lack I felt like I had to control life and chase the money down through all sorts of means. Doing processes like mediations, going into past life bullshit, EFT, positive thinking and etc is nice but I wasn’t “facing” the real issue which was my own negative feelings. I just kept wanting a quick fix and constantly finding coaches that promised the world for thousands of dollars wasn’t helping either. At the end of the day I felt broken, like something was wrong with me.

But all of that is starting to change with being truly honest with myself, focusing on the positive, listening to my guides and joining this money class that I found on a whim. My deepest issues are starting to heal. And little by little I’m seeing evidence that my commitment towards fixing my issues with money is working. I’ve found coins, been handling a lot of $20 bills lately, feeling more positive about money, been given much needed house supplies from family and even hearing stories of my immediate family getting more money and discounts!

It has been pretty damn amazing, and I couldn’t be happier with the results that I’m seeing so far. Not only that but with healing my money issues I feel that I’m getting closer to meeting my twin flame as well! But that story will be for another blog post haha!

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Vision 18: My Old Money Story

Today (2/18/14) I found out that I’m still attached to the idea that someone else has to deem me worthy enough to have money. This hurts me because for a very long time, even for most if not all of my life, I felt powerless when it comes to money. Whether I earned, attracted, manifested, asked for it or otherwise, I feel that I’m at the mercy of another force. I truly have no power over money and it shows in my entire life.

Only till now did I realize this because in a few bouts of frustration over my money slowly disappearing, I couldn’t help but to feel that nothing has shifted in that area. In the time that I have been changing my lifestyle, focusing more on me and my inner world, I quietly refused to face my issues with money. I figured if I don’t stir up any momentum, focus on lack or think negatively about it, that somehow money will find its way home to me. To a certain extent that IS true, but the problem with me is that I have so much god damn resistance that those rather small acts to change my vibration is simply isn’t strong enough to create real lasting change.

It’s not enough to simply say a few good feeling affirmations, I now realize that as I’ve been changing my life in big ways, I have to do the same with money. And god I hate to even think about it because money caused me so much pain no matter what area it’s in. Business, jobs, thinking about it, trying to manifest it, talking about it, family issues, student loans and especially looking at other people with money… No matter what angle I’m in relationship to it, I feel like money constantly grabs me by the balls and I can’t help but to submit to it.

While I was  playing video games contemplating the source of this really heavy and blatant truth, I realized that my relationship with my father is the root cause of this. Now, I always knew that money, my dad and I wasn’t the best mix and contributed to some limited beliefs but I then realized how damaging that relationship really was.

My dad is very generous by nature, but I always had a really hard time asking him for money because when he gets angry he would immediately throw it in my face or anyone that asked or supported him.
Writing this now I see how I got those mixed messages early on about money. A lot of the time when I asked he would give me the money no problem even though I had a hard time asking, yet sometime however long later it was wrong of me to take from him because somehow I was being lazy or wasn’t doing enough for him. Ouch… I’m actually getting emotional so I know this IS the cause of all my money (and deep emotional) pain.

Earlier, before I realized the money relationship with my dad, I knew on a more conscious level that my worthiness was tied to money. The fact I couldn’t make money made me feel really bad deep inside… And the reason for that is the way my dad treated me and my family when he got angry. Honestly, it was like we were nothing but a burden and lower than dirt to him because of whatever my dad was angry about. I was really young when this started (or that I can remember) and for it to continue up till last year when I finally cut my father off is about two decades of the same constant mixed messages. Moreover, two decades that I felt entirely unworthy to ask, receive or have money because I needed someone (my dad or another random force) to make me feel that it’s okay to have money, especially my own.

Right now, as I’m writing this, I’m NOT okay with having money because… I’m just not. There is so much energy in that whole ordeal that I feel numb on the inside. I just know that if I could, I would never want to have or desire money again because it’s been so painful when I had it or didn’t have it.

From this small root that my dad planted in me sprouted a giant oak tree busting with so many branching paths that only contributed why money is bad, I’m not good enough for it and that somehow, even if I suffer, I’m better without it. Thus my life is the way it is when it comes to money. And right now, I’m pretty fucking angry about it, but that rant is for another day.

I just know that now I can move on to the solution now that I know the problem. Because for years it just seemed like a huge wall that I could never get over, and that there was no one single issue with money that I could really shift in a positive direction. Everything always stayed the same even if my mindset changed for the better… But now I know. It was the deep rooted problems with my father that I needed to address, not the surface stuff that spawned from it.

So now, I’m deciding to end this “way of life” and claim my power back when it comes to money…

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Vision 17: Taking a Leap of Faith

On Friday I washed up Money Money Money, a manifesting playground course focused on manifesting abundance. I had no idea what lead me there but indeed I saw something quite amazing. Even as I was reading about the class and the hostess own success stories about all the money she manifested, I couldn’t help but to feel jealous. I wanted to have that success story about myself, but knew that these types of money courses are always expensive. But as I continued reading, I found out that you didn’t have to pay to get into the class, in fact you pay after you manifested the money, even better, you only had to pay 10% of what the class is worth or whatever money you feel that you manifested through the class.

I couldn’t believe it with the realization I had about my own money issues a week before. I felt that this might be my chance to finally bury the hatchet with the issues I have with money. Because even though I’m adamant on changing my relationship with money, I have no idea what the next step should be or how to help break the negative core beliefs I have. I know that money is the issue, but the real problem is with me, not the money itself. And figuring out how I should turn those problems around is overwhelming, I have no idea what to do, but I’m always looking for actionable ways to shift this vibration I’ve always carried.

Then out of the clear blue sky I’m reading more about this course and it has everything laid out for me. A Facebook group, daily email assignments, even live coaching calls. I had to really convince myself WHY this is what I needed even when I was talking myself out of it with my preferred preferences of a more personal experience. It’s true, I do want a personal coach that can take me under his or her wing to show me how to be powerful with money, but they don’t have a set up where you pay after you manifest the money. They want thousands of dollars that I’ve yet to make in my whole adult life which adds to my anger towards them and my own money issues. So finding this money class where I can get the help is something that I needed to take advantage of, even if I was scared that it wouldn’t work or if my true commitment was there.

But I know for a fact that I want this to change, I no longer want to stay broke simply because I feel money brings in more pain than pleasure or that my family mostly displayed lack, disagreements and negativity with money. I don’t want to have money, my personal story, my family bullshit or my feelings about money controlling my life anymore because it’s a lot more painful where I am now than to experience what I fear WITH money. I much rather have it now with all the bullshit it might cause than to pretend I’m some granola eating hippy (I love granola and hippies) that can simply manifest everything and somehow life is better for me to not be in my power. I’m tired of living that life and reliving that story day after day.

So many years it seems that I just accepted way less of who I really am due to some really shitty programing and lackluster role models when it comes to wealth and happiness. I want to be happy and I want to be wealthy, abundant, and in my power. I want to feel and be powerful over my own money than simply having money (or lack thereof) which was my mindset for the longest. I just wanted money so that I didn’t have to deal with my relationship issues with money. But now I want to deal with my relationship issues with money so that I can finally feel comfortable receiving and having money. 

So after a long personal debate I knew this is what I truly needed and took that leap of faith and I’m glad I did. Even with the first few assignments before the class starts tomorrow, I’m starting to see glimpses of why my personal relationship with money is the way it is. I can’t wait to see how I change more and how money responds differently to me by the end of the course!

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