Bringing that back up to the present, since I started my twin flame journey I was even more so trying to improve myself. I was on the hunt to find possible blockages, find my purpose, losing extra weight, study different cultures and all kinds of things so I’m that 100% that I vowed I was going to be when I meet the person I came into this world with.
So when I thought about what I could be possibly doing that’s keeping my twin flame at bay, I noticed that I always think I need to improve myself before he can come into my life. I never think that I’m good enough now because it always seems like there are more things that I need to fix in myself or in my life. Somehow I always think that he’s an arm’s length away no matter how “close” I may feel that we are to meeting.
So it’s my constant need to improve that keeps the one I’m wanting out of my life because I never reach that point where everything is perfect.
Wow, and to think that all this improvement was helping me, but I see it was blocking me so I never truly go anywhere towards my real desire (or at least to the desire itself). I’m sure there was some things I needed to get in order, but overall I’m not accepting that who I am now is good enough for my future partner. I feel like I have to be someone else, this ideal perfect person that has her shit together before I can get what I really want.
I poured so much of my time and energy into how I’m perceived by another person (twin flame or not) that I didn’t see it’s 1. Totally unfair to me and 2. I’m holding myself back from my TRUE self. And honestly, I’m getting super impatient waiting for this magical unicorn of a person and placing this one event so high on my list of things I really want to happen.
I didn’t see it then but I think that I put too much importance on something that isn’t happening now. And too much energy trying to be someone else’s ideal person than saying to myself: “I’m perfect the way I am and I don’t need to change myself for anyone!”
I’m too focus on the lack of my twin flame and trying to appease the universe instead of being incredibly selfish and thinking only of myself.
Point being, I’m not going to wait (didn’t realize I was honestly) anymore, I’m stopping this quest for improvement and I'm going to stop hoping that he’ll randomly show up after a major shift in myself happens.
I’m wasting time chasing after this person; it’s time to chase myself and make me completely happy…