Thursday, May 22, 2014

Vision 35: Feeling Guilty

emotions guilt feelings well-being

I tend to feel guilty a lot. Like a whole lot. It doesn’t matter what is happening I blame myself anyway, and I have no idea why I do this.

My guide Joe explained to me last night how bad I make myself feel when bad things happen when they are not my problems to begin with. Even when it comes to situations that I have no control over, I instantly place the blame on myself and feel that if I’ve done better, the said situation would of never happened. I’m not sure what made me do this in the first place or what started it. I just know that I always had this need to help anyone that I can or have this duty to make things better for others. I just feel that it’s my obligation to fix other people’s problems somehow, like it’s my job.

The issue is that I’m always blaming myself if I can’t fix what’s wrong; I do this all the time since I take on the problems of others around me. And when the problem is mine I’m simply too hard on myself. I never let myself win which is detrimental to my life especially when I’m practicing the law of attraction closely.

My guide gave it to me straight, I’ll always have problems if I keep blaming myself for them. I honestly didn’t see what he was saying to me on that level and it really opened my eyes. Somehow, I’m always putting myself in the position where I need to change to make things better. Yet, as problems arise from my own or others lives, I’m still blaming myself and pushing myself to change so life can be better, but I’ll always have problems if I keep assuming they are mine to fix. That’s pretty deep.

So basically I’m blaming myself for everything if somehow I feel I can change it. And at one point I actually felt like it was my job to save the world, to make the world a better place which eroded my peace of mind pretty badly. It took me a really long time to change that mindset, yet on a smaller scale I’m still trying to save the world, I’m still assuming things can only change if I do something about it. Which is so wrong, I know it’s not why I came here or my purpose to fulfill.

This has been a huge problem for a really long time and only now I’m seeing the weight of it. It makes me feel worthless if I can’t help others, even though I’m stopping myself from growing and progressing in my own life. I don’t know where this sense of duty came from but the time is now for me to start changing it because it is stopping me from living a happier life for myself.

I have to tell myself that this need to assume any and all problems onto myself is misplaced and I need to stop blaming myself for everything. Life will never get better from that perspective, and it surly won’t change my life in a positive way if I keep telling myself that I’m no good unless I change. Typing this all out now, this is a central problem I have about myself and is the core to a lot of my grief in myself and in life.

Too often I feel I’m not good enough because the world isn’t perfect or I can’t change myself or others to fix things. I see now that a lot of the problems that I have are not problems but quirks and preferences that I naturally have.

And there’s nothing wrong with that…

I have no need to change or blame myself for the world others live in or the fact I’m the way I am. In fact, I need to start embracing myself a lot more and praise my differences and how I go about life. I’ve been seeing it as a curse but it’s actually pretty special and I have to focus on that, not how bad I think I’m always doing compared to others.

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