For a long time I thought that having a lot of money was bad to put it simply, and that having or even “wanting” more was bad and selfish. In all the years that I’ve been working the Law of Attraction in my life the idea of wanting and desiring more money brought in more pain than pleasure. However, in the last few days of engaging with physical money, visualizing and even writing new money stories for myself, that belief started to come to the surface till I fully realized it. It was a complete A-HA moment and a damn good one too. One that I truly needed:
In my attempts to attract more money I always felt deep inside that I couldn’t love, want or desire money because it was inherently bad. That you were greedy, selfish and taking much more than your fair share if you desired money. This showed up in how I perceived others as well because when I would see coaches talking about money, 6-figure businesses, their lifestyle and high priced services I would get pissed. Not only pissed at them but at myself for not being able to afford the help I needed and wanted.
It was a flat out lose-lose situation and I hated it even when I tried to change my perspective about them. It worked for some time where I did enjoy hearing from my favorite heart-centered businesswomen but the truth was I didn’t think it was okay for me to be where I’m at, struggling just to make $10, while seeing these women talk about money as if it was coming out of thin air.
It felt like life wasn’t fair and that I would always be broke, frustrated and struggling. Luckily, I stopped chasing after the next money-love-bliss-transformer-coach and started to truly focus on my life and issues.
Now, dealing with those money issues, I’m beginning to see where I went wrong in trying to gain more abundance in my life. It was the feeling of not being worthy or feeling bad for liking or desiring money that kept it away from me. In that place of lack I felt like I had to control life and chase the money down through all sorts of means. Doing processes like mediations, going into past life bullshit, EFT, positive thinking and etc is nice but I wasn’t “facing” the real issue which was my own negative feelings. I just kept wanting a quick fix and constantly finding coaches that promised the world for thousands of dollars wasn’t helping either. At the end of the day I felt broken, like something was wrong with me.
But all of that is starting to change with being truly honest with myself, focusing on the positive, listening to my guides and joining this money class that I found on a whim. My deepest issues are starting to heal. And little by little I’m seeing evidence that my commitment towards fixing my issues with money is working. I’ve found coins, been handling a lot of $20 bills lately, feeling more positive about money, been given much needed house supplies from family and even hearing stories of my immediate family getting more money and discounts!
It has been pretty damn amazing, and I couldn’t be happier with the results that I’m seeing so far. Not only that but with healing my money issues I feel that I’m getting closer to meeting my twin flame as well! But that story will be for another blog post haha!
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