I want to catch up on my money class assignments, I want to write more for my Kawaii Lifestyle blog, I need to relearn my now rusty Korean, I need to get in the habit of drawing more, my online shop needs a new name and branding, I need to change my business email, I’m still concerned about my job hunt and how going to my local anime convention (that’s in the next town) is going to work out. This is all a bit too much and I’m not sure how it got that way… It just seems like I started to lag in one area and things starting to pile up everywhere.
Even so, I just have a lot on my plate and I’m starting to take on too much all in one time. I know I can do some things today and others the next, but I have the mindset that everything needs to get done in one morning. It’s fucking insane! Why all of a sudden everything is so vital for my wellbeing?! And why do my amount of busyness equals to some type of achievement? Yeah, I may do a lot, and it feels good to be that way so I don’t feel lazy but I’m paying for it by being burnt out and tired. I had enough of that in my life already.
Not to mention my mind can go far ahead and just cause havoc when I don’t keep it in check, mediate or write out my feelings (like now). It can become a bit too much when in reality things are nowhere near as dire. I guess I’m wanting to get my mental and mind straighten out so I don’t feel like my life is just the next thing I need to do. But an internally rich experience where I can pick and choose to do things that means a lot to me and see where those things go. Well then… That sounded like the perfect answer.
Just that fast my life was more about “getting things done” than “what fills me positivity.” I told myself when I started this blog that I won’t be able to fit everything I would want to say in one page so don’t aim for it haha. I guess that philosophy needs to move towards my life as well. I won’t be able to do everything I want in one day or even one life time so don’t aim for it, but have fun and do what I’m drawn to do. The things that I don’t get to, just let it go and that time will come.
I guess my point being, I forgot what life was supposed to mean to me in this new positive light of 2014. My internal world, me expressing myself and just having a good time in the present and not freaking out over everything. That is not a life I want to live anymore for obvious reasons.
Now I feel a lot better getting all that mental clutter out of my head. It’s vital for me to understand that writing is what causes my mind to become at ease because I’m not keeping everything in memory. I don’t have that much conscious room so it can get crowned easily (within 2-3 days). So yeah, it was time for a major clean up and for me to do one of my favorite things, blogging!
