Vision 17: Taking a Leap of Faith

On Friday I washed up Money Money Money, a manifesting playground course focused on manifesting abundance. I had no idea what lead me there but indeed I saw something quite amazing. Even as I was reading about the class and the hostess own success stories about all the money she manifested, I couldn’t help but to feel jealous. I wanted to have that success story about myself, but knew that these types of money courses are always expensive. But as I continued reading, I found out that you didn’t have to pay to get into the class, in fact you pay after you manifested the money, even better, you only had to pay 10% of what the class is worth or whatever money you feel that you manifested through the class.

I couldn’t believe it with the realization I had about my own money issues a week before. I felt that this might be my chance to finally bury the hatchet with the issues I have with money. Because even though I’m adamant on changing my relationship with money, I have no idea what the next step should be or how to help break the negative core beliefs I have. I know that money is the issue, but the real problem is with me, not the money itself. And figuring out how I should turn those problems around is overwhelming, I have no idea what to do, but I’m always looking for actionable ways to shift this vibration I’ve always carried.

Then out of the clear blue sky I’m reading more about this course and it has everything laid out for me. A Facebook group, daily email assignments, even live coaching calls. I had to really convince myself WHY this is what I needed even when I was talking myself out of it with my preferred preferences of a more personal experience. It’s true, I do want a personal coach that can take me under his or her wing to show me how to be powerful with money, but they don’t have a set up where you pay after you manifest the money. They want thousands of dollars that I’ve yet to make in my whole adult life which adds to my anger towards them and my own money issues. So finding this money class where I can get the help is something that I needed to take advantage of, even if I was scared that it wouldn’t work or if my true commitment was there.

But I know for a fact that I want this to change, I no longer want to stay broke simply because I feel money brings in more pain than pleasure or that my family mostly displayed lack, disagreements and negativity with money. I don’t want to have money, my personal story, my family bullshit or my feelings about money controlling my life anymore because it’s a lot more painful where I am now than to experience what I fear WITH money. I much rather have it now with all the bullshit it might cause than to pretend I’m some granola eating hippy (I love granola and hippies) that can simply manifest everything and somehow life is better for me to not be in my power. I’m tired of living that life and reliving that story day after day.

So many years it seems that I just accepted way less of who I really am due to some really shitty programing and lackluster role models when it comes to wealth and happiness. I want to be happy and I want to be wealthy, abundant, and in my power. I want to feel and be powerful over my own money than simply having money (or lack thereof) which was my mindset for the longest. I just wanted money so that I didn’t have to deal with my relationship issues with money. But now I want to deal with my relationship issues with money so that I can finally feel comfortable receiving and having money. 

So after a long personal debate I knew this is what I truly needed and took that leap of faith and I’m glad I did. Even with the first few assignments before the class starts tomorrow, I’m starting to see glimpses of why my personal relationship with money is the way it is. I can’t wait to see how I change more and how money responds differently to me by the end of the course!