I just did some EFT work and I feel so amazing. For a long time now, slowly, I was building up a really frustrated energy inside myself. Energy of resentment, anger, frustration and just suckiness. I was feeling this way because I felt I was responsible for my family’s feelings and moods. When they were angry about something it was my job to fix it somehow. I was following the role of the “good girl,” the one that would try to fix everything and make everyone happy.
This year I'm currently doing a lot of work on myself to keep my focus OFF of them and onto myself and my life, but gradually, that focus became bigger and bigger once again. In fact, a lot of my old isms came back across the board. I wasn’t happy with myself being an artist because I was a “failure,” I’m trying to make a program but I’m focused on making it perfect. I’m wanting more money and change because I want to escape my (drunken) family life. All of my actions and reactions is based on old fears and programming, and a lot of what I was doing to ease them was either making me resist it more, or just not working as effectively. It was just a struggle.
But this morning, a lot of that anger starting to bubble up despite my calm morning, I just couldn’t help it. After hearing my sister giving her puppy away to the SPCA in a few days, her crying, her woes and how everything is “fucked up” in the last few weeks I just wanted to scream. Again, it felt like I wanted to jump in and save her from herself, to make her happy (or shut up) and manage her emotions. Yet, I’m really bad at it, I can barely manage my own sometimes, yet I expect to get the job done for my own family, it’s insane! I do things in hope that it would make things better yet nothing changes, she still drinks, get upset and not really change her life, she just flounders, thus my resentment grows.
I was so angry and resentful for my family not changing when I’m doing so much in my own life, I didn’t know what to do. I want them to change to make my own life better, I want them to change for me more than for themselves, I’m selfishly caring about my own emotions more and more. I want my life to be awesome and great and I feel that they are shitting all over it. I know that is not true, are lives is our own but again the old isms were back in full swing. I wanted and did blame them for my life’s short comings, and in trying to change them without any luck I starting to resent them for it. Not good.
So in my round of EFT, I discovered I was again still playing the role of the emotional mood manager, and come to find out I really suck at it! In fact, even if I was being paid for it, I would get fired on the spot! It’s nearly impossible to make someone happy no more than it is to take control and make their whole life a happy one! I just don’t have the tools, power or know how to do that sort of work. I wasn’t made for the job at all.
However, I am made for my own purpose of joy, love, creativity and freedom. I have everything and more to not only do a good job but to spread it to others through my wake! Yet, I can’t even come close to do that because of the same job and title I keep playing out. So I decided to quit that job as the emotional mood manager and finally take up my inborn role and purpose in joy! And gosh does that feel good!
After that round of EFT (and clearing out that role out of my body, DNA and energy bodies) I felt a “cleansing” in myself as if I really did clear out that role! Even hearing my sister having a hard time I didn’t feel that “ting” to want to jump in and save her! I felt completely fine, and even better, I felt super happy remembering my true purpose in joy in spite of it!
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