I haven’t been online nowhere near as much in the last few days and I contribute my peacefulness to that. Being online, as much as I love it, drives me to strive for things that simply aren’t for me nor is my business. I have a pretty good idea at this point on the type of life I want to live, but when I’m faced with millions of others that are also striving for what they want I tend to get confused.
Should I try traveling the world? Should I vlog my life? Should I be on YouTube again? What kind of artist should I be? What business should I create? What type of readings would be the best? It’s all very confusing when you’re constantly comparing yourself to everyone you see on the screen. And the simple fact is, these are all lives that I’m not living. These are people that gone through completely different experiences, life paths, allies, journeys, traumas, victories and defeats from me. I’m not those people, nor are they me, so why am I comparing myself and trying to achieve their standards? Whatever it is that life has thrown at them, made them desire and go after the goals that they’re after, it has nothing to do with me, or some overarching standard that all humans must achieve in this lifetime. I’ve learned that.
I always felt that myself and my life was inadequate and meaningless, which drove me to look at others that I thought were superior; I tried to mimic what it was that made those people great. But I’m seeing now, that the more I try to follow this endless stream of people that I thought were better than me, the more confused and meddled I have become on who I was and who I was supposed to be. I was truly lost at one point, nothing seemed good enough because I never stacked up against anyone that was worthy and important to others.
It was only until I closed down a lot of the things that I was doing out of obligation, pride and validation, and looked within my own self, did I see a truly unique and wonderful person with a story worth telling. As I focused more on the inside rather than the outside, did I find who I really was that was unedited and unfiltered by those around me.
The more I focus on this being, the more magical life becomes because I’m allowing my story, my dreams, ideals, ideas, creativity, my intentions and simply my spirit to soar. Where before, I kept that spirit locked inside because of my own fears of being insufficient.
I’m learning to allow who I really am on my terms, and I’m seeing the results in the joy and peace that surrounds me.
