All my life I've been waiting for someone or something to come to rescue me from myself, the life that I let too many people take control of for years.
Only till now, did I see that no one "out there" is able to bring me the life that I truly want because it's not something that is already out there readily made and packaged for me. I have to go out and create the life that I want, to blaze the trail of my own power and future legacy, not sit around and hope that people will allow me to shine.
I'm doing myself a disservice expecting that someone outside of me is going to somehow give me permission to be able to do what...
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Monday, September 7, 2015
Vision 87: Undo
It's been so many moons since I gave myself the time, effort and self-love to come back to this blog, despite my current situation.
So much has happened since my last blog post, I'm like a different person, yet, when I go through these pages I struggle to keep my playful attitude in life.
I am different, I know a lot more about myself since I left my family and I surely don't regret any of my choices so far, but I'm frustrated with life and I'm frustrated with myself. I just want things to work, I just want things to happen right now. I want my own space now, I want to draw on the computer now, I want to...
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Vision 86: How I feel About Art
I came to my attention that, the more art I see, the more I see it as a logical, left brained, and polished thing.
I don't know what it is, but when I was browsing on DA, a lot of the art I saw, I couldn't help but feel suffocated, and just "meh." It's not that it's not drawn well, or anything like that, but it's becoming more of who is the best, what is popular, and this analytical way of being an artist.
I think the more I try to get into art like I was "years ago" the more I don't like it. The constant need to have a polished picture, things being drawn the right way, skimming through art sites to see what is popular....
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Vision 85: Forgiveness
Yesterday was pretty amazing, I chose to finally make peace with my own sense of low worth, guilt and shame. It felt good to finally put the past in its place and not make it such an important part of my life today, as if I had to atone for all the wrongs I did.
The most interesting part was the burning process. After writing out exactly how I felt, the situation I felt guilty of, the reasons behind it and my intent, the words burned to a crisp in mere seconds. I barely had to touch the ashes for it to all burn away. The...
Monday, February 16, 2015
Vision 84: The Wounded Inner Child
Over the last few months or even a year, I’ve been transitioning from one style of living to its opposite.
Before I took on this healing journey to really find myself via changing my life style, all I wanted to do is work hard, get the popularity and status I wanted and live the life that most of us in this society would want. But as time went on and I embraced myself in a really deep way, I learned all that was just a mask to cover my perceived weakness. I didn’t feel I was ever enough, so I wanted to prove to the world that I...
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Vision 83: What Are Crystal Familars?
Who is Your Crystal Familiar?
In the last couple of months, I had noticed a closer connection to my crystal, Sunny, my Herkimer Diamond. From the moment I took him out of the box, I felt his incredible power and he showed me some powerful past life information that changed my life forever. After working with this crystal so closely I knew that this wasn’t just a normal crystal but more of a familiar, a crystal that is like a guide and reflects who I am from the core of my soul.
I was so excited about this new found relationship...
Vision 82: Breaking Point
Last night was a wash, an alcoholic wash when I saw the decline of my family’s temper with each shot of vodka.
I don’t get it, all this… It feels like there is no point to it all if all my days are dominated by people that lack the intelligence to make better choices for themselves. It was supposed to be a great Valentine's night but once I saw that bottle of vodka I should of known how things were going to go.
I’m getting really tired of feeling responsible for things that has nothing to do with me. I’m sick of feeling bad over...
Friday, January 30, 2015
Vision 81: A Spirit Guide's Unconditional Love
Back in December me and my guide had a really wonderful moment. I was really upset and frustrated with the same old BS. I don’t remember if I asked for my guide’s opinion or not, but he reminded me that my own happiness was vital and I can’t control how anyone else feels. He told me a whole lot of things that was really great. I can always rely on him for down to earth advice. But as good as the advice was, I was concerned that he honestly felt differently, that I should go out and do something that is against my intuition and my...
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Vision 80: My Feelings About Money and Wealth
Money can be such a tough subject for me, at one point I understood it as I thought I needed too, but as the winds changed I find myself again at a struggling point to make it work for me.
I want money, I want money because I feel like it can give me the things I want like a nice home, nice things, and experiences that I wouldn’t have access to otherwise. At the same time, I feel so at war with the system of money that I was taught, I have no idea what to do with myself in terms of making an enjoyable, consistent and stable income.
Money...
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Vision 79: The Most Healing Music
Music is one of the most magical art forms I know of, always being created and flowing through the hearts of many and being listened to by even more. I guess you can call me a musicophile, a lover of music, but as the years gone by I saw how my love for music became more than just amassing a huge collection of CDs and MP3s, but now wanting to create my own.
And with that desire being launched everyday as I blissfully select my chosen soundtracks, I realized how much I used music for healing without even knowing it. But there is...
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Vision 78: Mirror
Today I’m feeling pretty good. I’ve been reading The Essential Law of Attraction Collection that I’ve gotten for Christmas and it’s been one of the best books I’ve owned in many years.
I’ve been seeing myself like a clear mirror since starting the 30 day process and my new focus on relaxing into my life more. I’m seeing that, I do have two modes of operation. The first one is akin to a chicken with its head cut off, that is running amuck trying to throw everything in its proper place. I’m disconnected, away from my true source....
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Vision 77: The Sun and Moon
It’s a dark and gloomy Sunday. The house is darken with the silhouettes of years’ worth of papers, furniture and odds and ends.
Lately, I’ve been given quite the messages relating to coming back to who I am. I admit, that in the last few months I’ve fallen off the wagon. The journey I thought I was taking turned into a fight to find myself again amidst the reemerging feelings of not only the pain that I’ve been living in the last half decade, but my whole life.
This took me a lot of strength to do, because in my “downtime”...
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