Vision 43: Self Love and Worthiness

I’m stuck in a rut today, I’ve been stuck in a rut since about last night.

I’m supposed to be showing myself self-love, like the real self-love. Not the dressing up pretty and getting stuff kind of self-love, but the kind that you truly feel in yourself. But all I done since last night was judge and criticized myself and I hate it.

I hate that I can’t even treat myself to $11 dollars’ worth of CDs without feeling that I spent too much on myself. That I should of saved more money, or just spent my money more wisely. I can’t understand why I can’t justify getting something that I wanted  without making myself feel guilty. Yet I can justify getting a $6 dollar ice cream cone which was in my mind, was totally worth it.

I thought that maybe I was getting ahead with this act of self-love but I’m seeing the real nasty stuff that I need to clean up. I’m still telling myself that I don’t need more, but just enough to get by. I’m still telling myself that if I hoard, guard against or keep at a distance what’s more than enough that means I’m a lot safer. I’m still telling myself that if I do too much with my money, spend too much or get things that I want to spend on it, when I don’t need too, people will judge me.

I’m starting to see the real roots of my insecurities, that same voice that keeps saying that I need to be humble and when a certain person or event comes around to tell me that I am worthy THEN I’ll be able to do whatever it is that I want to do.

It always boils down to staying on a certain level. To not get more than your “fair share” and to always give whatever extra you have to others. I’ve been in that mindset for most of my life and now that I’m starting to break out of it, or at least tell myself that it’s okay for me to have more, those old beliefs seemly got stronger. I’m still assuming that I’m not worthy because of some unseen force haven’t gifted me with it yet.

Sometimes society or just the way things are makes me sick. They tell you to follow the rules and to wait for some authority to give you a certain title before you’re worthy for more. You always have to achieve this, or have enough that before you’re good enough. You always have to be aware of others and put them first… And for what? For some worthless piece of shit prize of another person’s praises? For some random god to somehow grant you the life you “now” deserve. For your peers to look up to you as some type of pioneer or leader? It’s all bullshit, every single drop of it, and I’m so tired of thinking there is some invisible force, writing down all the things I could be doing wrong, waiting for the right moment to punish me.

Waiting for the right moment to snatch the rug right under me so I subconsciously keep myself from having life become too easy. Keeping myself from being truly happy, healthy, abundant and loved so that I’ll never experience those things being taken away. Because somewhere along the line I learned that those things were bad to have, plain and simple. The right way is to work hard, struggle, sacrifice and be humble and somehow when [insert random force] thought that you did enough, then you’ll be worthy for more… Funny enough the people that believes in that concept suffer more than anyone else…

I don’t want to be one of those people, and I won’t.

I don’t care what rules I break, I don’t want to live in the shadow of my greatness anymore because of some religious or social fear based bullshit. Give that shit to the people that want it, but I’m not one of them… Not anymore…

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Vision 42: What I Want to Invest In

Lately, I’ve been doing all I can to feel abundant and positive about money. Since joining the Money Money Money group and having that springboard knowledge and breakthroughs about my money relationship, I have way more tools on how to improve it.

So far I use visualizations, vision boards, storytelling, affirmations, meditation, journaling and playing with real physical money and so much more to conger the feeling of having money and more than enough of it. It’s been such a fun thing and I actually look forward to it in the morning. In all of that, I felt the need to write about what I wanted to invest my money in, because it’s not how you attract it that matters but how you spend it also.

What I want to invest my money in is my own freedom and all the activities I really want to do. I want to be able to move out and into my own bright, roomy and comfortable home. I love the shabby chic style so I would want to decorate my home in that fashion. I also love anime, cartoons video games and such so I want to make a really fun and comfortable living room area with a big TV and a shelf that houses all of my consoles and DVDs.

The kitchen would have tons of natural light and just the right size for me to cook all the things I would love to make. I actually talked about this in my shabby chic post I made last week.

What I really want to invest in is a business coach that can help me expand on my creative intuitive business and create a more fun and effortless way to bring money into my experience. I would invest a lot of money in my creative intuitive business because it’s something very close to my heart. In fact, I feel like it’s a part of my purpose and a great unused tool. I often combine my “need” for money with my “love” for my creative intuitive business that results in me stalling on what I really want to do with it. I procrastinate because I’m afraid of things not working out or that I won’t make any money to truly support myself…

This is so crazy! I felt the need to write down what I wanted to invest in (I felt that for a few days now actually), and when I started to talk about my business a huge light bulb went off! It’s like a shining key that’s saying “Use me! Use me” but I’ve internally stalled myself so much in really building it that I ignored it and fell back into my old story. The one business story where I’m unhappy with what I’m doing and nothing works. Yet, this year I created something that is so far from that story that inspires my whole life. I know this is something I want to do and do well, I’m just letting my own fears and limited thinking steer me away from that.

I’m thinking this was the universe’s way for me to realign to what I really want and REALLY invest my time and money in it. I really want to invest in this new business story and everything I am in it, because I know how much this would mean to me for this to work. To actually have a steady stream of people coming to me for my fun and playful readings and products!

So that is what I want to invest my money in (among other things for sure lol) and something I’m going to continue to work on for myself and my own happiness. I’m sure when I start working on something that I love the money will show up in really crazy ways!

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Vision 41: The Angel of The Inner Child

I’m currently making some angel artist trading cards to sell, something that I always wanted to do! Here is my first one, The Angel of The Inner Child, something that I was inspired to make yesterday but only got around to it today. I drew her holding a heart that represents the inner child, that untouched wild and connected part of us all.

The topic and the healing of the inner child came up a lot in the last 2 days so I’m sure the divine wanted me to channel that healing energy into this ATC. So if you’ve been working through some issues related to your childhood, inner child or any beliefs stemming from that part of your life, I highly recommend bringing this angel into your home!

I just got done the line art and I’m going to color it with colored pencils. If you’re interested in buying this angel ATC  before I post it in my shop send me a message! Each angel ATC comes with its own personal message as well so if you’re in need of guidance in relation to your inner child this will provide the answer for you!

I plan to make more angel ATCs with each angel representing a certain subject like love, abundance and etc so there will be lots more to come. If you’re interested in getting an angel ATC of your own guardian angel or guide you can go here to my shop to order one!

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Vision 40: Attracting Easy Money

I noticed that I’ve been attracting people that make money though easy means. Whether it was a simple video course, an mp3 mediation, an audio course or even designing character skins, I’ve been noticing more and more that it’s very possible to earn money and a lot of it without hard work. It’s something that I personally call “easy money” and a concept that I’m just now really accepting as truth and a possibility in my world.

Before, I would be attracted to and often see a lot of big time bloggers, spiritual teachers, intuitive business women and so on that had huge enterprises and doing big things. They often spoke about traveling the world, speaking gigs, expensive coaching packages and so many different types of huge income streams that seem impossible to me.

It felt like I had to work really hard and long just to even have a taste of what they had. I wanted to change my life that was very much a struggle so I emulated them to create big courses and seemingly impossible things. This put me in a mindset that I had to struggle for easy money or any money at all. I had the belief that if I wanted to live the good life, I had to work long and hard for it. Or at least it increased my already set belief in that concept. The funny part was that many of these teachers preached about attracting money and clients, yet they often highlighted the “working hard” aspect of it all.

Getting to the point, my belief of working hard to make “any” money no less easy money put me in a path where I would see people do exactly that. Which fueled that belief even more, I had a lot of momentum in that belief and it took a while for me to notice that I was going down the wrong end of the money stick. The path of needing to do hard work, proving myself, doing impossible things and going out of my comfort zone to say to the universe I was ready for the money to roll in. The problem is that belief gave me negative feelings and made me feel even worst about my money situation because I was manifesting more struggle not ease.

Since then, I put myself in a place where took the Abraham material to heart and soon after I attracted the Money Course that really catapult me into the REAL possibly of making and having money without hard work. It changed my beliefs around and my relationship with money, and with knowing that relationship and being more aligned with it what I was attracted to changed.

Instead of craving to see and be like those people that had huge businesses and an abundance of money through a lot of determination, hard work and struggle just for it to be “easy,” I was attracting people and situations where there was money being made through ease. Though methods I could do and do well, from people I could relate to that didn’t make me feel small because of that contrast of me having a lack of money and them having more money. Basically, I’m quickly closing my gap between the lack of money and making more than I can imagine. The universe is moving mountains just to make that a reality for me and seeing easy money is just the beginning.

I even saw on the news yesterday morning about a mystery millionaire giving money away in the city, now that is what I call attracting easy money! No sooner I started to tune into the “easy money” vibe, it started exploding and showing up everywhere! :D

I didn’t have to do much either but really focus on what I already have, being grateful and playing with money and the feelings of having it. It took practice and I did have my backsliding moments but none the less I learned more and more about my dominate feelings and thoughts about money. Taking what I learned through all the ups and downs I can see clearly where I can gain a lot of money through ease, and how I can deflect it through struggle and strife.

If you want to learn about your money relationship, or the beliefs that you're holding that is stopping you from achieving your dreams and goals my Crystal Code Reading can help you gain clarity from your soul's truth!

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Vision 39: Worthiness is up to You

I just watched one of the most amazing and insightful Abraham videos I could watch. What I got from it is that worthiness is an inside job. It’s not a title that someone gives you or something that you earn, it’s a state of mind and being that only you can create for yourself.

For a really long time I thought that I had to earn my worthiness to be who I really am. To do what I really want to do and to be whoever I wanted to be. To be even more honest, I thought that I didn’t have the right to be all that I really am because somehow I needed to work hard and earn it. I can go back to many stories and tales about how that belief formed but it doesn’t matter.

What matters is that I already know…

I already know that there is no authority, god, parent or person in this world that can give me permission to be all that I really am. That can actually say with 100% accuracy about who I am and how I should live.

In a world that is quick to tell you how to live and how you should be, I learned that what I’ve been told throughout the years is absolute crap.

I thought I needed to be more…

To be more compassionate, hardworking, more abundant, more independent, more brave and more than who I am right now to earn the right to be who I REALLY am. To live how I want to live and to fully express myself as my soul essence and radiance.

What lies have I’ve been listening to for such a long time!

There is no counter or person taking score or waiting for me to do things “right,” just me holding the belief that life well punish me because I desire good times and wanting more in my life.

That belief is so untrue. 

I don’t have to earn to be the person I want to be and that hurt my confidence because I thought I had to be everything and a bag of chips before I can prove to others that I’m worthy.

I walked around for years hoping and wishing that life would just give me a break because I’ve been through so much already. I always felt envious of those that seem to have it all and life seemed to shower them with anything they asked. But it’s not about what people have and don’t have. It’s about that belief you hold in yourself.

That feeling of worthiness and letting nothing stop you from feeling it.

We learned from an early age that we need to be fixed, to achieve and prove ourselves to everyone we meet that we’re capable. But there are so many hoops to run through that we eventually lose ourselves in the process, and the next thing you know we feel lost and well, unworthy… Because we forgotten what makes our heart sing and only focus on what others expect, yes, we developed a warped view of the world and of ourselves.

What changes the whole game of life is reclaiming that innate knowing that the world is actually on our side but we block out it’s assistance everyday.

Don’t wait for the next person, opportunity, job, date or whatever to feel that you’re worthy. You’re worthy right here, right now, it’s just you have to give yourself the permission to feel that way. It will never come from an outside place because before you know it you have to do something different or up yourself just to maintain it.

Feel it in yourself and know that being who you really are and just existing makes you worthy, and that state of mind will instantly bring whatever it is to you and make your life so much easier!

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Vision 38: Earth Angel Match Maker?

I think I should become a match maker, after watching the Realm Readers course by Doreen Virtue, something inside pointed me to the field of bringing together fairy tale romances. It’s strange because I never was called to such vocation before, though I have a keen sense of relationships and energy compatibility.

I remember plenty of times when I felt the energy between two people and knew if it would last or not. All the times that I went with my feelings, it was right. The partners both romantic and otherwise eventually split apart as I felt something was “off.” I can just feel the energy and have this sense of knowing, even if I don’t know the people involved personally. It’s all an energy thing.

So when I took the Realm Readers course and heard Doreen mention using this system in finding relationships for yourself and others, I felt a special feeling in my stomach. Her mentioning relationships made a light bulb go off in my head. “Would I be a good matchmaker?” was the question that came to me and something I wanted to ask my family. I didn’t think it so much as I received it. It was strange but it was also a big clue.

Before then, the topic of relationships and romance was all over me. A wedding magazine came in a few days ago (the first one ever at that!), whenever I would look at the TV one of the first things I would see or hear was about relationships or marriage. I recently saw an old school My Little Pony doll named Dainty Dove, a pony that day dreams about romantic weddings and even makes a ring for the lucky pony! As soon as I saw her I fell in love, but recently I especially resonated with her and her sweet wedding energy.

There was also this strange new energy around me. It felt like the energy of cherubs. It was a fresh, fun and playful romantic energy. It felt as if someone or something new was coming to me and was ready to pop. I felt this for a few days and whenever I tuned into it, I felt the old energy of my twin flame journey turn into this fresh and flirty energy. The old energy was recycling into this new vitality. This energy is something I never felt before and it was exciting.

Then I saw a certain message on the back of a bus yesterday saying something akin to going back to something you once left behind. Of course I thought of the romantic energy and me being knee deep into it but I was determined to follow my guidance and focus on myself purely.

While I was watching the video about the incarnated Cherubs in the Realm Readers course I resonated with their highly romantic and idealism in romance. I even resonated with their issues of perfect beauty. Though I don’t feel I’m completely an incarnated cherub, I do share some key qualities including loving love, day dreaming about meeting “the one,” and enjoying having heart shaped anything around me. Honestly, I might be more cherub than I’m letting on!

Anyway, I’m feeling in my gut (and even my spirit guide was encouraging me) that I should become some kind of match maker. Though I never done it before, I know what it takes to attract that soul mate to your life through my 2+ years of intense twin flame attraction boot camp. Which makes me think that is the reason why the journey started and ended, so that I can have the know-how and tools to teach others the same thing.

Hmm, the more I talk about this the more it makes sense but I’ll let the universe guide my steps from here on, I’ll just be on the other end listening and following it’s guidance.

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Vision 37: Manifesting My Shabby Chic Life

I’ve recently been drawn towards the wonders of the shabby chic home this week. Something about it gives me a really warm and fuzzy feeling inside. I also love the antique, worn yet girly pastel look as well. It’s something that speaks to me a lot and the universe have been throwing it in my face lately. I’m actually working on a new vision board about it right now!

The reason why I love shabby chic so much is that it reminds me of the angels and the type of décor I always enjoyed as a child. It gives me heartfelt feelings and memories that I can’t explain or seem like I even had this lifetime. It feels as though I’m being called to another world entirely, and as a lover of fantasy, I’m always willing to go there.

The girly princess look always fascinated me as well, even though I resonate more with being a prince. That feeling of royalty or the feeling of self-worth is something I always like to cultivate in myself and in my world. I’m often too hard on myself so whenever I can make myself feel good and pampered is a must have in my life and shabby chic fits the bill. The look makes me feel taken care of and loved.

One of my favorite things about shabby chic is the vintage look, it reminds me of the angels on the vintage postcards and paintings that I adore. I always wanted a big angel painting in my future home; every time I see those classic painted roses, the soft pinks and baby blues, the fine details on a second hand vanity or light hitting the hanging crystal chandeliers, I feel quite at home.

Shabby chic gives me a feeling of being in another world as well. I love the feeling it gives me that I’m far away from the typical rat race everyone else is so ingrained in. Learning about myself, that is not how I operate, so creating a relaxing and calming environment is something I desire more than anything. I never want to feel stressed or overwhelmed.

What I want to manifest is a home that is calming, sweet, childlike, relaxing and has that cottage villa feel. I enjoy the look so much and I can imagine myself laying upon my soft couch to do my favorite activities within its soft embrace.

I want paintings of angels, sailor moon and other sweet styled art that I enjoy. I want a really fun yet homely kitchen that is the perfect size for me to cook for myself or my close friends for a get together. And a bedroom that is more like a whimsical toy circus meets an Angelic Pretty store dusted with my love of the spiritual realm.

Writing this out was really powerful and I love using my blog as a means to write out my desires, dreams and list for what I want to manifest in my life! I can’t wait to see what happens as I follow my guidance even more!

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