Vision 33: Scripting and Focus

 

I found scripting to be one of the most fun and creative processes in Abraham’s long list of processes. For some reason it really speaks to me and as an artist I feel like I’m painting a picture but with words, so I feel very at home. Since noticing how much storytelling, roles, writing and manifestation has interest me and getting some positive results from it, I want to start talking about what I learned and share some tips on how to change the “story” of your life.

Why Focus is so Important in Manifestation and Scripting

The number one thing that everyone should know about manifesting is focus. What you focus on, think about, talk about and just hold your attention to is vital. It’s vital because whatever you’re focused on, you’re receiving some type of emotional response from it, and if that response is negative than your point of attraction is negative. Thus you’re going to attract some unwanted stuff.

For example, your life isn’t what you want it to be, you have a crappy job, your relationship isn’t fulfilling and you don’t have enough money to survive, you have a lot of negativity going on and I’m sure you’re reminding yourself about it every day. You wake up with dread, you think about the bills coming in, you have a less than loving conversation with your mate and then you go to your crappy job for most of the day.

You’re focus is on the negative, what’s not working, what’s going wrong and what could go wrong, so it’s safe to say you’re manifesting from lack and worry, which in turns will bring more of it.

The truth is, no matter what is happening in your life, your “focus” will bring whatever it is you’re focused on. So whether you’re living the “great life” or “stuck in poverty” it’s your focus on what’s working vs. not working that keeps you in your circumstances, not the circumstances themselves.

So What’s this Focusing Stuff has to do with Scripting and Why it is Important?

When you script, you’re creating the perfect life or circumstance that only you can create, it makes you focus on the positive and the changes you want to see in your life. The reason why people stay stuck in lack luster circumstances even though they try hard to make law of attraction work is because they lack a laser like focus on things that produces good feelings.

Yeah, it might seem like they are doing everything in their power to change their life, but if you’re constantly falling into despair, hopelessness, and just negative emotions, all you’re doing is putting that great energy into what you DON’T want in attempt of trying to get what you do want. It’s not about “doing” but what you’re currently “feeling.”

It is the emotions that you have while you’re doing what you’re doing that determines if your point of attraction is positive or negative, not that you’re putting in effort or proving a point by working hard.

The point is to feel good and have positive emotions; that is where you’re focus (what you think, take action from and talk about) should be and the place where real change happens. Without that focus on positivity it’s very easy to stay stuck in the same nasty situations.

This is why scripting is such a handy and fun tool. Without a lot of work you can create a positive focus that doesn’t require much effort or attention to get it going! You can use your new story every day and remind yourself of what you desire, what you want to change and the positive feelings you want to experience every day.

It’s not like doing other LOA processes like a chore that has to be different every time you do it (like listing positive aspects), but a fun, inspiring story that doesn’t even take 10 minutes to read. It’s a road map of what you want and the type of things you need to start creating so it will fit into your new reality. It’s your road map of focus, desire and a way for you to keep positive focus even when your “now reality” isn’t that great.

So if you haven’t yet, start scripting out your perfect day or the way you want your life to be and read it every day. Focus on what is going right in your life and just things that make you happy. If you keep that focus long enough it will start to grow into more noticeable manifestations!

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Vision 32: What I Learned from Game Grumps

 

Something pretty amazing just came back to my consciousness yesterday while watching one of my favorite YouTube channels, Game Grumps.

It was when Dan was fighting the last level boss and after successfully defeating him, a second one showed up. It pissed him off so much since he thought that he beat the game, but soon after he died and had to start both boss fights over.

While I was watching him now beat the first boss with ease, the second one was hard to watch. He kept dying on the second boss and the more he died the more familiar his struggle reminded me of my own adventure in gaming. It’s when you get to that one part of the level that seems absolutely impossible to complete or do. You try and try and try yet somehow you keep failing, to the point it’s actually “easy” or at least easier to do, but somehow you keep dying. It took me back to my thoughts during those times. How it seemed impossible due to the simple fact I couldn’t imagine myself beating that one boss or getting past that one part of the level.

For some reason I had this mentality that if I never done it before, somehow it can’t be done.

However, once I see myself become successful at it, or at least see another person do it, that mental block lifts or just enough for me to have enough faith to get past the obstacle! It’s like once I see that it’s possible, then it’s that easier for me to do automatically.

Once I made that gaming connection to reality, it really does make sense. It’s all a mental game…

Even though I’m afraid of the unknown and I sometimes can’t imagine myself being successful it doesn’t mean I can’t be, it’s all in my head. I have to get past my own negative and limited thoughts so that I can realize my dreams or any goal that I have.

I let myself get too caught up in the reality of things and not my ability to make things happen. I tend to get on myself too for not having the resources or knowhow about something. Yet, it’s not about knowing how, but not being limited by circumstance and doing what you want anyway because all the tools will find you along the way.

That was a HUGE a-ha moment for me and something that I needed to remind myself of.

How many times did you let yourself get so wrapped up in your own thinking that something goes wrong that you actually fuck up on cue because it was simply premeditated. Or that whenever situation you feared never came up to begin with and things actually went fine? That’s me, sometimes I get in my head about things so much that I miss the point of doing whatever it is I’m trying to achieve. I think too much about what others are doing and how they think of me, and not enough about me enjoying what I’m doing.

I’m placing way too much importance on how I’m seen, perceived, illusionary dangers, opinions and other shit that quite frankly has nothing to do with what I’m doing. Anything that I ever wanted has nothing to do with anyone else but me, so I’m the only one that has to care enough to not let MYSELF get in my own way through my own limited thinking.

Everyone else can kiss my ass…

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Vision 31: Family beliefs and Money

After coming back from the convention and taking a week off from my normal routine I’m having trouble believing I can truly change my money patterns.

I guess it started with noticing and thinking negatively about my home life and what goes on. Since I started therapy and really got out what I’ve been feeling, it’s as if I’m telling myself and making myself see that some of the harsher parts of my life haven’t changed much. This freaks me out because I’m now realizing how much damage the drinking and negativity in the house has affected me.

I always thought that my negative thinking was purely about me being negative but the life I’ve lived has a great influence over it, and I’m constantly fighting it. I always get mad at myself for not doing better, manifesting bigger things and somehow not getting the things I really want due to self-sabotage, but I’ve learned to live that way.

Somehow in a backdoor type of way, I taught myself to follow my family and parents so that I can protect myself from perceived harm. Like having people come after me because I have money, problems randomly arising because you have more income, and simply the fact that when you have more money you have more problems. As if as much as you want and need more money, having it doesn’t really serve you. That’s a pretty huge belief.

So in a crazy way, I took that in and lived by it subconsciously. So when I do start to make more money or I’m really close to success, I cut myself off because of those deeper beliefs that say that having money only brings more trouble and negativity. Usually the negativity that you can’t fix or solve.

When I feel safe to go out and do what I want to do is normally when I see another person (more or less IRL) do it and have a positive experience. Mostly, I haven’t had those good influences in my life. Everyone has the same core money beliefs on some level. More money, more problems, or that people only want you for your money and things like that. It makes me fearful that I won’t get the things I want out of life even when I’m successful because somehow it will all go wrong.

I knew about some of these beliefs but I’m learning about them in a deeper way today. A lot of my deeper beliefs comes from my home life which is mostly negative, especially the highlights of it. It’s like the “life lessons” my family has taught me was that money isn’t that great, it tears people apart, makes the government take it away from you and it’s a way for others to keep you poor and struggling. I guess I’m dealing with those reemerging feelings again because I feel somewhat stuck. It’s like I’m falling back into the mindset of “it’s better for me to just struggle in life to survive because that’s how others have done it.”

I have yet to see someone close to me “make it” and make their dreams come true. Everyone struggles, are unhappy and complain about life. And a lot of the conversations stem from lack, negativity or that somehow others have it better than them. A mindset I detest a lot. It’s like they want to be limited and try to convince that to everyone around them. And when you say something that goes against that truth, you’re wrong, unrealistic or naive. I’m honestly struggling between what I’m learning and what I already learned for years.

I know that I’m only taking on my family’s and other people’s beliefs and applying it to myself as if I’m the same. But it’s like I can’t help it, I’m still very used to that thinking even though I made great strides to change it.

I think now is especially tough because I’m dealing with a lot of positive changes, yet I still see things that hurts me a lot. It’s like no matter how much I try, I can’t do anything to make things better for everyone else. I feel like a failure and I don’t want to feel like that. I’m just having trouble accepting life for what it is for the people that live it.

At the end of the day, I have to look at myself and keep distancing myself from other’s beliefs and their emotions, that’s what gets me. If I consider myself as a singular player that can only effect my own reality (which is the truth of the matter) than I’m not as bad as I’m looking at others. I can, have and seen the changes I can create in my own life. Sometimes I just take things way too seriously and think that the struggle is the only way for me to “get it” because that is everyone else’s belief.

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Vision 30: Agender

I have no idea what to say. This is just one of those posts that I’m completely unsure about. It hasn’t been long since I learned about this, but this is probably one of the most important things that I’ve learned about myself in many years.

I am agender, meaning that I identify myself as having no gender, even though I am biology female. It’s strange to say it out loud or in a way that I’m actually looking or listening to myself say this. This isn’t something that I knew about for years and just didn’t say anything about it, it was rather hidden or “covered” in me identifying myself as female.

For a long time I felt very uncomfortable around really feminine energy or being around a lot girls. I always found girls to be more catty and prone to pettiness in my years so I naturally gravitated to having a lot of boys as friends. I didn’t know it in my childhood but when I got older it made a lot more sense. Even in childhood I was more of a tomboy and wasn’t the typical girly girl. I loved video games and even remembered having a lot of boyish toys, though I remember liking girl things too, it was a mixed bag but I always had a more masculine curve in life.

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When I got into my teens and puberty started, oh god, I hated it. Growing a well-endowed chest in middle school wasn’t fun for me. It felt like an alarm bell for everyone (especially boys) to look at me. Needless to say I was very self-conscious about my body and wore baggy clothes to hide my shape. Hmm, talking about how my body developed gave me insight that I didn’t see before.

Before puberty started I felt a lot more free to do what I please, I wasn’t bounded to gender roles or standards, at least I didn’t see it or felt it strongly. However, once I started to become a “women” a certain standard and expectation started to take shape around my life. Where my female peers wanted to show off their bodies, wanted boyfriends, and went out to party, I fought against it. I didn’t want to grow up, I didn’t want to care about those things, I honestly didn’t have any interest or even a real concept of those subjects. I just wanted to stay a child and not be attached to adult constraints or just activities I had no interest in.

I remember around the time my own friends started to branch off into the wonders of teenagehood, I was still making friends with the younger kids in my neighborhood. I felt a lot more comfortable with them because they were interested in the same things I was interested in. There was no talk about boyfriends, fashion, school gossip or anything I felt was daunting to think about. We still used our imagination to play and relayed on rather simple things to have a good time. I honestly miss that part of my life now thinking about it.

Anyway, now that my body labeled me as a certain gender, I felt like life and society expected me to be a certain way. Like having a boyfriend, someday having children, having a career and just living a typical life as a female. I didn’t see it then but I was trapped in my own gender, where beyond that point was completely blind to me because I was raised to see and expect my life to go a certain way.
 
Since knowing that I am in fact agender, I don’t see my life as I used to. In fact, the path and destination of my life took a dramatic turn and I felt that as soon as I realized that truth about myself.

In my twin flame journey I thought that I was meant to be more girly and feminine. In fact, I thought that my disconnection to my femininity was a result of me fearing my sexuality and female nature. I thought I needed to be healed and fixed, so I strived to do just that. I drove into the world of the divine feminine even though I felt very uneasy about it, especially when the topic was about female sexuality. Even though I was asexual and knew my stance about sex, I decided it was a chance for me to find power in my sexuality (without having sex) as a women anyway.

In about a year since I went in circles trying to find my niche in my business and in life after thinking that embracing my womanhood was the answer to all my problems. Even though I enjoyed the girl power and the collective support women had for each other, I never did found my true niche, for some reason once I stated to settle in a niche, I would have the instinct to leave it.

While trying to embrace the divine feminine in life and in business I thought I needed to finally grow up. I thought that I needed to start embracing adulthood and finally start making real changes in my life. I thought that my lack of interest in adult things was the reason my life was more of a struggle than ever. I thought I was running away from everything from a fate I couldn’t really escape. It was time for me to stop trying to be an eternal princess and start being a queen over my life. I also tried to face my fears with my own sexuality only to find out that my fear was just pressure from what other women were doing to find themselves.

Even though I was doing all that I can to fit myself in a box another has set up for me, life didn’t get easier. In fact, it just felt like more obstacles was getting in my way, though I didn’t see it then. I thought I was fixing and getting my life together but in reality I was pushing against my own genderless nature by becoming more feminine. I did everything I could to embrace what it meant to be a beautiful and powerful “goddess,” a word that I despise applying to myself now.

It was when I was urged to get a reading I found out that I had strong male and female energies by a tarot reader. That is when things started to click into place. She told me things that I didn’t see completely, especially how I come off to other people, especially in the matters of affection.

It started to ring in my mind that, the way I was wasn’t because I was broken, but because I had both strong feminine and masculine energies within me, something that I never considered. I always resonated more with solar masculine energy though there was no doubt that I had my little princess side too.

This made me dive into that part of the reading and eventually when I brought my Herkimer Diamond crystal, it took me to a past life where I was a warrior with really strong masculine energy. So strong that it still affects me to this very day. I am as one with it as I was in the past. When I dived deeper, into the connection between my present and past life, it was clear that I was truly genderless.

This broke open so much that I didn’t understand and soon a lot of things in my life started to make a whole lot of sense. The best feeling of all however was that I was fully accepting of my genderless self, it felt good to be this way because I knew this was who I really am.

Since then, I’ve been bouncing around trying to figure some things out, especially how I want to label myself and how others will see me when I explain to them about being agender. I know however that this IS the person I am supposed to be and that my disconnection to femininity wasn’t because I was broken but I don’t relate with gender roles as a whole.

This in turn changed my whole life in a way I thought I would never see it. I’m free to make my own choices as I see fit and not because I have breasts and a vagina, or that I lack them. I make decisions based on what I feel inside and nothing else; I finally reclaimed my real power as a spirit living the human experience. Not just a human living the human experience.

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Vision 29: Freedom

It’s been a while since I sat down and wrote anything about my life. Since I left and came back from Zenkaikon, I’m faced with some harsh truths about myself and my life.

Coming back home and becoming settled in my normal reality, I notice that I’m just unsatisfied with the way some things are. Mostly, I speak about how I latch on to spirituality in a way that makes me feel trapped and in a box. I feel that when I’m entrenched in spirituality, I can’t go beyond it’s boundaries. Where I feel like everything related to spirituality is a hard fact or truth when I know it’s not.

I feel bounded by superficial things like oracle cards, readings, charts and just things that keeps me stuck in a certain box. I fight hard to prove to myself that I am different because of some unseen force; I take spirituality as a means to validate that for myself instead of just being who I am.

I take this spirituality thing too seriously, but on a bigger scale I have to move beyond its definitions and meanings. These feelings of entrapment are the same ones that I faced for years, and I see that it’s not just a phrase or because of circumstances. It’s because of my newly found archetype, the “Peter Pan earth angel,” that I can’t stand anything that blocks my freedom in anyway. I am an eternal child that will never grow up and anything that tells me that I have to be in a certain box stresses me to no end. I have to define my own rules and live by my own heart, not by anyone else’s systems. As tempting as it is to have outside validation for who you are, only I can really label myself as who I am in any form that I choose.

The best freedom that I can give myself is the one where I don’t count on others to make me feel like myself. If I feel that something is infringing on my freedom or happiness I have all the right to change so that I am happy and free to do as I please. I can’t live a life where I’m waiting for someone else to grant me my freedom.

I also can’t keep lying to myself and think that being a certain way forever more is what's best for me. I need variety, I need excitement and I need to be free to do what I please without thinking that it will somehow hurt me or others. I think that is the worst of it all. Feeling that somehow It’s better for me to be in the shadow of my true self because it will somehow grant me success in the real world.
That is what I hate the most and what I despise in society. That you can’t be who you are and be successful at the same time. You have to “fake it till you make it” and other bullshit “wisdom” that only breeds the need to wear masks and talk sweet nothings to everyone you meet.

I don’t mind not being totally open all the time, but I do mind when we’re living in a way that only proves our enslavement to the status quo.

I can’t do it anymore and having some time away from the norm, I see where I can improve myself, my life and my real freedom.

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Taking a Trip

I'm going to be leaving for a local anime convention tomorrow, so if you get a reading I won't be able to do it till about a week from now.

Anyway, I hope you guys are having a great night/day and I'll see you very soon!

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Vision 28: My Love List #18

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 My Love List #18

After delaying this for way over a month, I'm finally starting it back up again to increase my positive vibes and energy! I hope you all enjoy!

• I love the crush I have currently, it feels so good to send my loving vibes to someone I have special feelings for!
• I love noticing that I’m loving myself for my weirdness through my crush
• I love my new Herkimer Diamond crystal that gives me really deep insight!
• I love the money class that I’m in and all the wonderful people that are in it
• I love amping up my money vibe, it makes me feel so good!
• I love the freedom that I have every day to do whatever I want!

• I love the yoga video that I do every morning!
• I love learning Korean and watching Korean dramas
• I love my cat Dro because he loves me so much and wants to be around me
• I love the money that I currently have because I know it will turn into something more!

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